[[How has been]]

Monday, March 29, 2010

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on dayz like this i feel so stupid and useless. i know that only me myself can motivate i but i am not using the knowledge. on the contary i seek to embrace not doing anything.
i feel like.

[[I wrote this at]]*|7:29 PM|

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Ive got a gem. a nice one. But only enough space to keep one. so i pick the nicest one. then as i move down the line i see other nice gems. they each have their own strong points and flaws. but i have no more space. i merely glance past them. i have seen too much of the gem with me.
THE GEM HAS TRUE SIGHT.

[[I wrote this at]]*|12:29 PM|

Saturday, March 27, 2010

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i juz extracted my wisdom tooth and 2 more premolars. keep drinking blood. april and aaron visited me =DDDDDDDDDDDD. really great.
quite pain. im trying to act by not taking painkillers but is really, quite the pain ah. haiz.
idk if what i did was right. i hope so...

[[I wrote this at]]*|7:16 PM|

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

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helloo. im really quite. slack-ish. now. i can't really be bothered to, study. haiz. i will start. sometime. soon. im going back to xms tmr! dodo.
why do the words always fail to come out?

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:14 PM|

Monday, March 22, 2010

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battle tanks rock shitz. its really a supeh fun game. finally pawned the ai. real fun!

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:58 PM|

Sunday, March 21, 2010

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end of life as we know it.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:57 PM|

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

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hello. i dread thursday. coz ima gna lose 2 perfectly healthy teeth and one retarded wisdom teeth that should not be there in the first place. i do hope i can be brave and not, you know. idk. i dont like pain. i dont like fear. i dont like sadness. i dont like loneliness. i dont like boredom. i dont like feeling miserable. i dont like this empty feeling all day long. when will it be filled?

im not ready to die yet. i hope i will be ready. lets say if i were ready to die by this year. i will still, being my mortal self, be reluctant to die. because there is so much that i have not done yet. that i want to do, that i do not think i will do by the end of this year. hell, i do not think i will be ready to die by this year.

i wonder what will it be like in heaven. bible says it is a place of eternal perfection or something like that. the concept of eternal is so vast that i am unable to grasp it. like eternal suffering in hell. i dont know... i cannot fanthom that. i wonder if we review our lives. like in the darren shan series. in the series, a soul gets trapped if its owner has any great regret or has done any bad things. so for thousands of years, all you can do is review your life while trying to preserve your sanity. i wonder what will my life be like. like if i review this moment. relieve the joy.

there is cip tomorrow. i thought i would be very bored in the holidays thats why i signed up for it. inanycase my classmate(s) should be going so it should be a decent trip. theres 402 gathering tmr. i dont think i can make it. theres charyong at 6:30. in any case.... .... .... so the greatbig incentive is gone.

i cant talk to anybody. there is almost no one i can tell anything to without concealing something. i hope to change this. I wonder if that is the reason why people get married. It is very possible.

Dota is boring. Getting more and more boring. And its not that I keep losing thats why its boring. I feel sianed. Today i wasted 2 hours or more trying to solve pokemon defense... in the end i resorted to keysersoze and whosyourdaddy to survive. ohwell.

yes. and what hweeteng sez is true. people move on. I cant find anything to talk about with my close friends. Cant be helped. Not that I did not try. Fault does not lie with me. Its not that i fail at socialising and making new friends. I believe i have new friends. but. i dont know... something is missing. like there isnt the closeness.

Whats there to do. This is the holidays. RI for one didnt give much homework. well, seen in the light that most people mug independently, this is not surprising. I will have to find self control.

I dont know what I will be when i grow up. assuming good results, perhaps dentistry? or maybe.. i dont know... i dont have a preference for any subject. I dont mind all 3 sciences, maths and both my humanities, perhaps not ss. I dont know. There was an article about work being self fufilling and thus there was no need for ideals to work towards. well if your ideals is to work. i think you are worthy of death by parachute failure.

I am wasting my time away. what could be the reason? shouldnt be hard to find.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:48 PM|

Sunday, March 14, 2010

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gorn fer chess club camp + competition

[[I wrote this at]]*|3:21 PM|

Saturday, March 13, 2010

[[christianity]]

I dont know. I think christianity these days are really confusing. there is lots of different infighting in itself its a wonder it doesnt implode. then there are external threats: secularism, evolution, other religions. we leave alot of things to faith. not that i disagree with it, i find that it impedes growth to the weakminded. then again, that would sorta seed out the weak-minded. and we have a low birthrate. and i think a low continuity rate
I cant even be sure what i am hearing is true. I think economic growth is very undesirable. It only spawns rot. The way to destroy anything is to give them economic advancement. We should strive for contentment instead.
oh well. my why did my playlist die.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:06 PM|

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i dont know. today has been quite saddening. do you even think of me 0.23423634x the time i think of you.

[[I wrote this at]]*|12:23 AM|

Thursday, March 11, 2010

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hello. i just got lowest in class for gp, failed chinese. theres bio test tmr. ima stunned at the gp.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:06 PM|

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

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yeh. the previous post would be that. the pjc chess comp. sorta reminds me on the life i have just choosed against. now. what am i to do.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:47 PM|

Sunday, March 7, 2010

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huhuh. im seriously. rethinking. why i joined Ri. it wuz never on my target list. not until i went to the open hse? ahh. reasons why i joined would be: tahanable amount of friends there. i planned to quit chess... and hwachong is damn far away. but now that i am still in chess.. idk. im kinda. confused. all along i wanted to go up to hwachong (since sec 2) and join their chess team. idk wth went wrong with me eh? I sorta quit chess in sec 4. to focus on O level?. and i din join zhong xiang hui guan, not complaining that ri is not good luh... but... its like i go pjc for the chess. and im reminded about, what i wanted to be. and the hc people were also. stunned. that i din join hc. whaaaaat... idk luh. my decision should be right though...

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:35 PM|

Saturday, March 6, 2010

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helloooooooo.
yar lor. haiz. pjc chess tournament. i am disheartened to learn that many of my chess friends are leaving chess. why did i join chess again?. .? beats me.
i really dun wan to lose people. the thought of it scares me. like if anyone im close to. dies, idk. hw to react. and i think i need people to confide in. soon.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:10 PM|

Thursday, March 4, 2010

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hello. im well!. sorta. my flu progressed to the next stage according to moi tcm aunt. so its. sorethroat for like half a day -> fever for 2 days-> cough+lots of phlegm+sore throat COMES BACK. yea. ohwell. its preferable to fever thou. at least i get to go to sch. one of my classmates very funny lei. he sorta. told me to close my mouth fully when coughing. okay... quite funny. i did try. but hmm. idk where the air goes out?
yeah.
today got chess. haiz. abit sianz. o and i lost my first match?. ya. lol. i opening sucked shit. mid game duo zi. den somehow kena pawned. o.Oidk why. idk hw. haizzcxvzx. char yong cup coming. i hope i will do better than arthus. thou i know he should be much stronger than me now. haiz. chess has slid down in position of my piorities. haiz.
haiz.
i need to stop. touching my pimples.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:18 PM|

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

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im blogging infrequently nowadays. haiz. okay. so monday went to sch, went for photog went home. din drink any water. throughout sch. <-okay not any, very little. Coz i din have my waterbottle mah. went home, got sorethroat. next morning. got fever. took panadol. 6:a.m no fever. go sch. the student venture thing was okay. at least not too charismatic. went for first 2 lessons. freezing. cannot pay attention. trying to sleep. wearing 2 jackets lei... okay, after maths i went to take blue slip and go home. afternoon go see polyclinic doctor. 39.0. good luh. medicine, sleep. sleep. sleep. so boring

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:15 AM|