[[How has been]]

Monday, January 31, 2011

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Why do people not die? What is the point of us living? There is no point. Why live to see another day, to be happy, to be glad? What good will that be? Does smiling longer make yourself feel that you have done better? What good does doing better do? What good does being the best do?

A time will come when all will be forgotten. We will be naught. All our struggles, our truimphs. Nobody will care. And even if they do care, how does it matter? There must be a bigger purpose. If there isnt people would just all commit suicide already. Happiness cant be the goal. Being happy is so, so, stupid. You can be happy whenever you want. Its just a feeling, an emotion that can be controlled. Of what use is it to feel happy your whole life? Does it make life worth living? Is being happy a sane goal of life? Its not! Happiness can be attained easily, it can also be lost easily. If one cannot be happy that would mean life is purposeless. Chasing after the wind again. In the scale of things, we are nothing. We die. Thats the problem. Well, actually not a problem as living forever will be much worse, though it could validate the idea of being happy as you could feel good forever perhaps.

Then again why feel good. Why do meaningful stuff? Why help people? What is the point other than the feeling of self gratification that you get from something called your conscience. Does that emotion once again make life worth living? There must be something more than living just to feel emotions. There must be a reason why people are not killing themselves. Fear? Why fear death when it is coming anyway. Why say there is alot of time before death when you are going to do nothing that matters in that time anyway? There is a way of warping your conscience, your mind, your entire being into reliving emotions easily. Though that would probably make you a monstrosity in the eyes of today's humans, why care? Conscience? What conscience?

There must be something more. Why work for a living when you are going to die anyway and you are not going to do anything that matters before you die anyway? Even better, why do you kill yourself working if you work for a living (ripped from QL lol)? Why put so much hope in the future, when you know, that, all that you have worked for is nothing, not even a fraction of a second, in the grand scale of the cosmics. Why bother having friendships/relationships/kinships when they all come out to naught in the long run? Because of instant gratification? That comes to naught as well. Why earn money, when you dont spend it. In a game, my character will never die, so I can keep earning and earning and I dontknow, upgrading to become better. In real life, there is an end. And surviving is pointless. There must be something more.

Why study so hard? Why study at all? To make your parents happy? It is once again nothing in the scale of things. It is so meaningless. Devote yourself to a cause? To save the earth? What good will it do? Even if you are remembered for a million years for whatever reason, you will still fade into nothingness. Humankind will go extinct anyway. HOW DOES FEELING BETTER DO ANYTHING AT ALL?

Yah i know you will say it is still preferable to mooching around and being sad. Well, there is no difference in the long run. No difference at all. What is the use of surviving. Have you played a game just to survive. Imagine playing runescape and permantly hunting/cooking/eating to survive. Will you play such a game? Why not? Meaningless right. Why are we doing that in our real lives...

haiz, can only point out flaws, no answers. But that shouldnt be a reason for us to carry on doing what we are. You should find the answer. Why not find the answer against surviving as both are worth nothing in the long run.

[[I wrote this at]]*|8:25 PM|

Sunday, January 30, 2011

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you know, im actually not scared that you dont talk to me. im scared that you wont ever talk to me again.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:27 PM|

Thursday, January 27, 2011

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oh man. january is finishing. and with it comes the dateline to start taking work seriously+stuff.etc.etc. and some mission that im determined to abandon if i cant suceed before jan ends.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:44 PM|

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

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why isit that you only care about the actions of people that you care about? so its not the action, but the person. sian.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:10 PM|

Monday, January 24, 2011

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I found out that I really hate reading stuff that looks like what I typed. But then again im not writing ff so yar. hoho.

yala life is not perfect la. but dreaming about what could be perfect is funz. fairytales are really the best.

sciences are boring. so cold logical methodological. so repetitive. tremendously sense-making. NO freedom of expression. no creativity. ok limited creativity and imagination. no poetic stuff. no different points of view. arts seeeeeeeeem more fun. then again maybe the short leaf-like protrusions from the ground are always more vivid on the other side.

OOH and i bet me saying all these stuff here is so pointless luh. nobody cares im sure. hahaha. well, neither do i.

Ok doesnt need the person you want to care to care. just anyone caring will do...

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:52 PM|

Sunday, January 23, 2011

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I am some angsty kid luh. Finally quelled my impulse to talk to some people. annoying. ball is not in my court. been in my court for too long. im disclaiming all responsibility. i dont care.

Haish, i wanna live in a fairytale/something. knowing that everything will turn out nice in the end. well unless you read those under angst/horror. i really love happy endings... so much for real life. does this sound really girly? lol.

i am so stupid. hiding from myself. how about just sleep for a really long while. or reverse time so that i can be a kid. not because of regrets (dun have many, ok maebe some really trival ones), but because i can not think, not care, depend on others. why did adam have to freaking sin. what a sian moment. he really ought to be slapped a few million times by every single one of his offspring.

Lonely though im talking to people, and my house has people, and stuff. what about those who dont have all these.?

i hate it when i talk to people and people just dont care. its like why should i bother too.

[[I wrote this at]]*|8:06 PM|

Saturday, January 22, 2011

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WOOOHOOOO. QUITE THE HAPPY. COS I READ A FEW HAPPY STORIES. I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS ><.

Thinking reaaaaally. is tiring. i reaaaaaally wonder. philosophers must be the most tiring job on earth.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:35 PM|

Friday, January 21, 2011

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reading through the past always brings back bittersweet feelings. like happy that you were that close before. sad because of the past tense. and obviously regrets.

[[I wrote this at]]*|8:17 PM|

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

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Perhaps i should just embrace brain numbing activities. Like watching tv. or idk, being the same?

Thoughts are incoherent after some serious chess game =.= lol. very long dun have alr... i want to sleeeeep. SOrry for the really crappy posts recently. one day ill do some good ones. =.= i ammmmm siaaaan. Need to survive till saturday is overrrrrrr.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:44 PM|

Sunday, January 16, 2011

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harharhar. i am sleeeepy. and ytd was really bad. very very very bad day. next week will be sad.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:56 PM|

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

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make preperations, make lots of preperations. once you feel that you are ready, strike swiftly without looking back. make sure you succeed.

Oh right the story about lost people. been reading classics. Not bad. Got some dejavu feeling thou, like ive read them before lolol.

I am not going to run away. i will sit down and meditate.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:43 PM|

Monday, January 10, 2011

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I stare at the spot where im sure i saw you a second ago. You are not there anymore.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:04 PM|

Sunday, January 9, 2011

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HI PEOPLE. I HAVENT DONE MY RMEP REFLECTION. MWAHAHAHA.

School is starting. loadsa funz. i thinkz. i hope this year will be welllll. im goooona study. its my goal. i have decided by doing well in my studies and any other stuff should it come along will be my best choice of action at the moment. need motivation thou. on the personal side, there is a problem.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:02 PM|

Thursday, January 6, 2011

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what a waste of anti-boreds. BLEAH. SOmeday i shall do an essay title the lost and blind.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:12 PM|

Monday, January 3, 2011

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I dontknow what to do. holiday lull period is here. need a sharp awakening soooon.

Haiz. Dunn feel like studying luh. Study so much later die tmr how? so much preperation for the future. think of it we spend freaking 2 decades studying to work for another ~ 4 decades. and retire for ~2 decades if your lucky. dont make sense. priorities are wrong right. prepare so much...

Next year cham liao lah. sux shit. i scared like crap still dun wan do anything. now so busy. =.= still play play play. and not putting what i should put first first. bleargh sprouts.

Holiday homework so pointless. They should just give us exam papers to do/mug. Best way to good results even though it is pointless if good results is attained that way. But who the shit cares as long as there is good results? singapore education system needs to work on that .-.

School so stupid la. There is no desire to go school. no thirst for knowledge. We should be given more freedom, to do what we want/learn what we want. obviously this is easier said than done given that many will like, idk, screw their lives up or something.

wa mindless chatter. .-. i give up.

[[I wrote this at]]*|12:31 AM|