[[How has been]]

Monday, May 30, 2011

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2 samuel 19 :6

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:42 PM|

Friday, May 27, 2011

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i guess. friends get replaced.

not that i didnt try.

sian luh holidays. i cant make

Do i lapse into the hating life part again. nuuuuuu. maybe.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:49 PM|

Monday, May 23, 2011

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oh the holidays are coming up. i dontttttttttt wanna spend them away. go away holidays please.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:37 PM|

Monday, May 16, 2011

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bleah. i hope its over sooooon.

[[I wrote this at]]*|7:54 AM|

Monday, May 9, 2011

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TIME DOESNT EXIST HERE. WE WILL NEVER DIE.
ok la. i will die. realised ive been overestimating myself. with regards to some important stuffs.
ohwell what to do what to do.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:19 PM|

Sunday, May 8, 2011

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RPG games give a easier sense of purpose than life.
How do you make it safely to death?
I still think death is a wonderful end to life.
Honestly though im scared of death, i cant waitttttt.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:38 PM|

Friday, May 6, 2011

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whenever i think of anybody. i cant help but wonder whether i am thought of. at all.. glooooomy.

studying very boring. cant stand it.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:26 PM|

Monday, May 2, 2011

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i am very sian. super sian. how do i describe to you the sian i feel.

Blame sianness indeeeeeed. Whaaats the point of blaming sianness? blame the devil. yah, k its proally the devils fault but im making it far toooo easy for him. its light some gigantic conflict with myself. how do people manage to be so single-minded? i decide to be, but fail. its like the more you fail to yourself the less you expect of yourself and hence the more leeway you give yourself to fail. ok replace you with i. i dont know. i still think im very externally motivated. and i know~ again i know, this just cant do la. look at the state im in. my parents are worried, im worried. i dont give an arse somehow. im verysure im going to fail h3. and proally a few h2s along with it. studying has lost its, appeal. happy songs are worse than sad songs. happy songs remind you of the people that aernt with you, people singing sad songs are. And then again its not pure sadness.

i dont know what i want. I REALLY DUNNO. It might be that i am lazy, and hence making up all these side excuses to justify not doing work. It might be of all these reasons (not excuses now) that is why i do not do work. I fear that both feed each other. The reasons/excuses feed the laziness and the laziness feed the reasons/excuses. Its like why dont i want to study because i feel tired. why do i feel tired because i dont want to study kind of thing but rather more complex.

the answer, is, then, to break out of the loop. to find the joy in studying, the joy in doing a question correct. ah well. im prepared to declare operation study at home a huge failure. but whats the alternative? will be so different.

I hate emotions la. i think if i were run on pure logic then i would be able to study. is laziness an emotion? Im VERY afraid that this whole shit thing is a pathetic attempt to make you take note of me. which, logically speaking i dont want. somehow there is this hope. people say you cannot live without hope. i think living with no hope is preferable to living with extremely low hope.

In other (obvious) news, i still cant get round to do chinese. nothing new here.

I want to run away for ever.
I want to spend my life watching other people's life go by.
I agree, that if only we knew the result, life would be so much easier, the process can be enjoyed.
I want to see stars with people i care about
I want to spend time.
I am so selfish. Once again ONCE again. this train of thought goes back to where i banned it from going eh?
I want to be a simple man living a simple life. you think i could survive by doing like 5 dollars an hour work for like 6 hours a day. and then spend the bulk of my free time doign whatever i want? how long do you think i can sustain this until? im 60? 70? i guess ill have to forgo a house/ family in this case though.

my head is very pain. i dont want to be selfish. but the 'happiness' that selfishness brings was so sweet. its like, drugs. DRUG TIME!

[[I wrote this at]]*|7:10 PM|