[[How has been]]

Sunday, April 29, 2012

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When one writes reflections, one should usually start with the initial expectations so as to provide a backdrop to the thought processes going on during the period of reflection.

Ohwell. im not writing a reflection anyway. Or rather am no longer. Eitherway, CLM is over. heres to tougher trainings and all that. I hope to do well. Not that i want to be outstanding, but still good enough I guess. Ha.. Contentment. Knowing my limits. .etc

I dont know. Why is my being sian affecting so many people? this is terrible. I just wanna be sian to myself or something, So that things can only get less sian or something. Or am i kidding myself! Probably.

I must really really really not whine le lah. anot gg.

hope to be closer and more on task with my life's mission. instead of slacking and watching youtube or cracked or whatnot.

[[I wrote this at]]*|4:56 PM|

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

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hello world. posting from my bunk kinda thing. hmm.
haish. clm is rather slack i would think. idk lah. scary to think what will come but i wont be scared. cos i have no reason to. anyways. the um, service term and the death is coming soon.
haish haish. how hard is it do what i wanna do.... its terribly hard.

[[I wrote this at]]*|4:36 PM|

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

[[where it all begins]]

ok. today is the daaay. lets go oo oo.

i wanna want what i have. ok lah. enough of that. bye guys, dont miss mee too muchhh.

[[I wrote this at]]*|12:25 AM|

Sunday, April 15, 2012

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hello guys. i need a paradigm shift if i are going to commission.

so yeah. i dont wanna lead a easy life.

i need to want the stuff that im going through. anyway good training if i ever join the mission field.

so yeah. lets go! and i need to stop whining again lah. wth. whine whine whine summore.

ok lets go~ end of block leave leeeee. tmr have psc interview. hope it goes well! i kinda want it.

oh and for archiving purposes i finished dentistry manual dex, interview, law interview and law test. ohwell. all seem ok-ish. idk whether can get anot.

this is where the story ends.

hahahahaha. jy lah. see you guys in 3 weeks. confine again.

and to you~ hello. good day to you~ so long~ so long~ how are you? hows your day? where are you going? goodbye~ good night~ farewell~

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:50 PM|

Thursday, April 12, 2012

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hello. not updating already i guess

haish. life is getting better~ i guess. getting out of the sickening sian feeling. or sad sickness. sooon. soon. why isit that everytime i type i feel tired. hmmmm. that volunteer thing sounds fun. i hope to do some? i guess.

sometimes i think one has to realise contentmenttttt.
haish. im a joke. going around in circles over the same few stuff. and through it all not achieving anything. thinking is so choreish. at least now im not feeling so sian anymore :O i know you hate this one.

once again i guess have to say im really thankful for the friends i have. like fatex and lams. those that are dependable to be there. i think im a weirdo. like people there then less, idk, excitement to see them? hmmm. ok dont angry guys. even though i keep whining and attracting attention and what not due to my infintely annoying and insecure personality that has been shed today, at least for a period of time. it oscillates see?

i try too hard to be liked lah. seriously. i shall try to not be selfish and hoard all the like. why do i keep wanting to be superior in almost everything. freaking stupid brain. hahahahahaha!

OMIGOSHHHH. I like thoseeeeeee. haish. those awkward awkward type. you know! awww. sweet.

there are so many thoughts. in my head. im not able to articulate them welllll. i wanna i wanna try. someday.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:43 PM|

Monday, April 9, 2012

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haish. i like certainty. finality. forevers.
i guess thats why being better than others appeals to everyone. especially if its like in secret.
i wish i could, give promises that i am certain i have the power to keep. instead of constantly hedging behind 'try my best' or something to that effect.
i wish i can live my happy life. in a world without troubles or worries. some people like to survive troubles, to overcome them, make themselves stronger in the proccess. realists. good for them i guess. they can, weather life's storm and take on the next. and the next. id rather not take on the storms. run away from it. build some weatherproof house or something.
when i look at ns. haish. i see that it needs to be done, but i dislike pain. really dislike it. and tiredness and fatigue. and ugh, the whole effort needed to excel in the army. but at other times i see it as a fun challenge. whats with me. but lately alot of disliking. and, i guess, whining. why am i whining. isit a part of my nature? isit cos i want something but am not willing to work for it? i guess. probably.
i wish i could be a baby. coddled all the time. i know people think people like me should, grow up. but why? is growing up better? do they feel better growing up? denial maybe but still, a nice ideal. or something. id rather people tell me what to do than to do to be honest. leading is tiring. though i guess i dont mind if really needed...
yucks.
ok i shall update this later

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:56 PM|

Sunday, April 1, 2012

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when she was just a girl, she expected the world.

Ohwell. what do i have here? Another week gone. x.X BMT IS DRAWING TO A CLOSE.
but to heck with it.why am i so scared of command school? i wasnt that scared about JC or what not right. hmmmm. IDK. scared of pain. like physical pain. yucks.
Haish. Me no like pain. Me like happy blissful bubble. isolated from the harsh realities of the world or smth.
And i can only blog once a week. Saddedly.
Oh and 16km was fun, cos you know, front scout is fun. so much for all the fear of it. my mind needs to be less lazy. would you consider being scared of things as taking the easy way out?
PSC psych was tiring. cos i slept late >.> dota summore lah. Everyday is tiring. but its actually all in the mind.
I think i should refresh myself. The 2nd mile people was an eye opener. made me realise ima pathetic christian, once again. and following that i kinda slept in church again. i suck. i wont do that again ok... just VERY TIRED. no joke.
hmmmm. now what. yes, good question.
i wonder how the hell.
Haiya whatever, cant think. booking in soon. at least not as sian as the last time. block leave is coming! ohwell. full of interviews so not that nice either. anywayzzz.

[[I wrote this at]]*|4:24 PM|