[[How has been]]

Thursday, January 31, 2013

[[]]

To believe in something and not live it is dishonest.
Nice quote.
Yeah, that works, the integrity issue.
And to care so much about what others think that you do things for their thinking and not for being productive. no go man.

[[I wrote this at]]*|5:07 PM|

Sunday, January 27, 2013

[[]]

Note to self, pray for others.

There are some things that i find so hard to do. namely stuff that i cant just throw effort at. hais. And most of these stuff do not have their progress quantifiable either.
So many conflicting ways of thought. So many conflicting thoughts.
Sometimes I feel like an emotion blackhole. Where all emotions come in and get sucked away to nothingness.
What is not wrong does not necessarily mean its right. Neither does what is not right be wrong. to what do i owe the pleasure of being confounded by this grey area?

The big picture, always look at the big picture. Because the big picture is the most important is it not? But the small picture is what happens. But the small pictures make up the big picture. But on the individual small picture the 'best' small pictures do not make up the best big picture because 'best' small pictures will cause other small pictures to suck donkeyballs. But then again life is unpredictable and i might die in the next second or so. Or not. It appears not...

I really wanna be want i wanna be. But how do i be what i wanna be when i dont know how to put in the effort to be what i wanna be. Or when i dont know how to gauge my progress on being what i wanna be?

And and and and and! I want somebody to 宠。I want a confidante. I want ...

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:39 PM|

Friday, January 25, 2013

[[]]

minimalists do things because they see the end result as fixed, therefore, as little effort as possible to get the same end result.
others see the end result as changeable, therefore, more effort to try and improve the result.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:15 PM|

Sunday, January 20, 2013

[[]]

hmmm. this week was relatively happy, i guess! went to visit nus and ntu. and go out with people. and comms ball. and stuff. not bad. didnt exercise though. anyone want to exercise and stays relatively near to me?
hmm. today i also figured that apart from thinking about god more, during all moments of my daily life. uhh, something new is gonna happen... bleah.

"And so on. Remember, misery is comfortable. It's why so many people prefer it. Happiness takes effort.

Also, courage. It's incredibly comforting to know that as long as you don't create anything in your life, then nobody can attack the thing you created."

From cracked.

And i guess your works are really all that others can see. So being the only parameter that can be seen, all the appropriate deductions will have to be made from there. And even if they can see your thoughts, like say blog or whatnot, they will just remain as thoughts. While there is great effort in thinking, there is a greater effort in translating thoughts to actions.
Thats why i am not the person that i want to be in my thoughts.

OH YAY! i remembered i wanted to write about. The thing about holding yourself to stricter standards. something i hope to do! soon!
NOW TO WHINE ABOUT BOOK IN. WHINE WHINE WHINE.

[[I wrote this at]]*|5:36 PM|

Sunday, January 13, 2013

[[]]

my tian.

end of course. whats next. change again. i hate change. im so lazy to change. my tian. going to ord soon. going to face the choice of what to do with my life. maybe i should stop postponing, just make a decision and stick with it.
uni.
how should i feel? what is there to do in free time. ever since i stopped playing dota, pokemon .etc. nothing much to do. everything has to go back to the main aim. but there isnt much to do in the main aim. this goal is like playing neopets. so tedious and boring and its a everyday thing. i find it very hard to put in the required effort.. consistently. i am really disadvantaged at stuff that you cant just one times chiong through and complete well...
i realised that ive never been part of a team. or a group that i really felt at ease with. maybe like living solo. perhaps its because i have never known that i envy/desire to be like those who do. maybe its because of my cca that im too achievement minded... i think ccas are important, a big part of your identity. not that i dislike mine. but sometimes i do wonder what it would be like. afterall in chess its all about beating, outmaneuvering, killing the opponent. and wushu in primary school and ncc in secondary school, i would consider as failures? idk. actually there are relatively good friendships there but i guess, never maintained because the outcome of it was so depressing.
and maybe, just maybe, i should stop putting you on a pedestal.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:10 PM|

Friday, January 11, 2013

[[]]

try to care less about what others think. try to do less to sway other people's perception of me. try to not over think so much. try to just do, and think another day. how ironic. after all the thinking, concluded that thinking is not the way to go. maybe it is, a cycle.

hmm. lets see. whenever i look at other people's lives (or rather what i know of other people's lives), i see some desirable, some not. but whatever the case, i must always go back to the main aim, the main focus. i keep veering off the path. keep getting distracted by side quests, that i do not advance the main storyline. And while side quests might ultimately help the main quest, the main quest is all that matters. and it is not as if as i have unlimited time...

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:38 PM|

Sunday, January 6, 2013

[[]]

what i want to do and what i do deviates.
always trying to find something 'permanent' that anchors me. like neopets. or any of the other timewasting rpgs.
1 more week to the end of ocs. proally gonna miss them like shit.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:17 PM|

Thursday, January 3, 2013

[[so i lost my notebook...]]

that chronicled by 9 month stay in ocs. more of thoughts than actions. sad, isnt it? when im so near the end.

however, maybe i should look on the bright sight. the thoughts weren't exacatly happying. especially after certain incidents. maybe it is symbolic. and maybe its good. new year, new start.

to a more positive god-filled life.

no more clinging on to the past, and worrying about the future. the future can worry about itself and the past can remember itself.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:20 PM|