[[How has been]]

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

[[]]

appearances only matter because of the reaction they cause, i.e only because people judge by them. To me the ideal should be a better judgement of appearances rather than 'better' appearances.
Hais, such an unsettling 3 days, 1 down 2 to go. now my 3 hours of sleep..

[[I wrote this at]]*|12:48 AM|

Sunday, November 17, 2013

[[]]

Consider the argument that if one were to want to save the sharks, then why not the pandas, the rhinos .etc .etc. Then you should not do anything, in the interest of fairness. Why save this starfish and not the other?
Being a manager is so tough. The principal-agent problem is insane, doing my job well kills me. I dont wanna make people's lives hard, but the interest im safeguarding is idk, the organisation's, the country. Ugh, my lack of freedom.
That is why conscription is the shits. Makes people go against their values. Or at the very least, conflict internally like mad.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:38 PM|

Thursday, November 14, 2013

[[]]

Life is to survive and think about what life should be. So survival until you find another more justified cause, survival because without you would not have a chance at said cause which may exist.
The principle about 'things must be done according to principles, not convenience...' it must be congruent throughout. Whether it is outcome priority or principle priority. I think principles should take priority over outcome. So if you believe in not lying you would not lie even though your boss told you to lie about to his wife that he was in work when he was actually buying his wife a surprise gift or something. Should we then live purely by principle without caring about the outcome?
Side note: What is with surprises anyway? I think they are stupid, Id rather prefer secrecy or revealing.

The disparity between relativity and absolute terms. Absolute like in death. Relative like in everything life. It is very hard to change from thinking in terms of relative to in terms of absolute. Like how everything outside religion and indeed almost the whole human society is relative such as I am shorter than he but run faster. There is no I run fast. That doesnt mean anything. For how fast is fast? How rich is rich? How happy is happy? While a statement like he died is absolute. We sinned, we broke the law is absolute. But no, my relative mind tells me I sinned less than he, I broke the law less. I am top 10% for least amount of sins. But no, my mind is wrong. There is no sinned less. It simply does not exist. Sin = death. There is no more sin, no less sin, no big sin, no grave sin. And all sinned. And I must stop sinning. Religion, is absolute. The world is relative. There is no 'bigger saint' no greater saint and YET, and YET in the bible there is speaking of greater rewards for deeds. Oh great, i just unearthed some cause for further study.
This societal thinking causes me especially to make many bad decisions. My thinking is off tangent, being bamboozled into taking the wrong the wrong basis and hence making wrong decisions and wrong actions.

What is there to think about? There is only sian. Sian is an awesome word use to eclipse everything I define as sian. Its like boomz except with a little context. So far I have only thought forward until my university, which is unconfirmed and my future wife, which is also unconfirmed. These 2 big uncertainties makes any other prediction or calculation very much more effort inducing. And hence...

The fear of time wasted is human. And modern human at that.

Lets say that you want to go to somewhere, say A. You walk on a road and it leads to a fork. There are two paths going onwards, and you know only one of the path leads to A but not which. And you know, also, that there are two people there one of which will try to deceive you and make you take the wrong path while the other always speaks the truth, but not which. How do you determine which path to take?
Well, for a start, knowledge can only be built on knowledge, so the answer must be in the question.
Say you ask which is the path to A?
1: Left
2: Right
Which of you does not always tell the truth?
1: 2
2: 1
Is the grass green?
1: Yes
2: Yes

kind of like that. The liar can choose to lie and tell the truth as well when it suits him, except that he wants you to take the wrong path and will try his best to not let you know he is the liar. The liar knows the other will always tell the truth while the one that always tells the truth knows the other is trying to deceive.
So what questions can you ask to discern the correct path to take?
What will the other say is the correct path to A?
1: Right
2: Left
Consider that they will always give same answers unless it is w.r.t to the correct path. How then, can we make both give the same answer w.r.t the correct path?
Will the other person lie in the next question?
Both: Not sure
1, what is the correct path to A?
1: left
2, is the sky blue?
yes
Did 1 lie?
1: No
2: Yes

Ok confound this, i cant really solve it. Maybe you can.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:53 PM|

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

[[]]

One cannot not live for the fear of death, and similarly not act for the fear of failure.
For 0 is the same as 0/1, even though 0/1 looks much uglier.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:53 PM|

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

[[]]

Music is distracting, i know not why people like to be plugged in all the time.

I stood on a stool today and lo! what an amazing sight. The whole view is different with another vantage point. What of sensory information indeed.

I am babbling. Its been awhile since thoughts have been organised, even though attempts have been made.

I need people. To live alone breeds want, want overwhelms in the end. I think I am a person so controlled by whims and emotions, even though the attempt to rationalise is made.
Everyone wastes time, it is just how skillfully they waste time. When one is able to waste time to accomplish something, it becomes a 'greater' waste of time.
I need to meditate.

[[I wrote this at]]*|7:03 PM|

Monday, November 4, 2013

[[Stances and thoughts as of now]]

Having spent a day, to my own devices, almost without any pressure, i thought i would be happy.

One must have a reason to do something.

Very rarely are decisions logical. Mostly they are emotional.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:58 PM|

Sunday, November 3, 2013

[[]]

It is ridiculous, the amount of assumptions people make.

People do not always act according to what they believe. One might be an ardent believer in not jaywalking but yet jaywalk when they are in a hurry, not every time, but once or twice. That is hardly justification for one to be labelled a hypocrite. And indeed, are hypocrites always non-intentional?

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:15 PM|

Friday, November 1, 2013

[[The Void Within]]

Monday, 0800

I left wartune armor s5. The leaving was quite tragic. I typed hail and farewell, they said their goodbyes. I typed forever and ever, error: you do not belong to any guild.

Oh well, left an identity behind. I am no longer a lvl 67 ftp archer. No longer a member of the team, a player in the server. It is like ord-ing or commissioning. 9 months of effort into building up this character, into making friends and very good friends have i made.

And now there is a question of where is my time sink. I left because i felt the time could be spent more meaningfully. Yet, and yet, it was such a good time sink, giving some continuity into my life, some sense of achievement. Something I could do today and know that I have done something today. For, like i have expounded on previously, characters do not forget, new weapons aernt lost, skills proficiency dont decrease without practice. It was my gauge of usefulness, provided challenge, entertainment, social life all at once.

Where do I throw my time into, such precious precious time and energy. I have a fear of the clock ticking, maybe i am too perfectionist. I dont mind wasting time or 'wasting time' when it is a planned waste of time. Like when i walk around to nowhere, deliberately. But when i wanna do something but cant, i need a second best alternative to dump this precious time into. I wish i could store it for later, like when people are free .etc .etc.

I really wish so, for time is the ultimate leveler, the ultimate resource.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:00 PM|