[[How has been]]

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

[[]]

Of all the things that charm me most, of all the wishes not fulfilled.
It is so hard to it them cease, the spring of thought runs unrestrained.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:32 AM|

Monday, January 27, 2014

[[]]

Looking around, seeing everyone chasing so many things. Feel like i am not having my mind right. Needs more passion. Needs more faith and action, and more zeal.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:39 PM|

Saturday, January 25, 2014

[[]]

Ever since i quit playing CotD after quitting wartune, amazing, i am bored on the internet.
Nothing to play. I think 9gag is not too healthy. Unhealthy consumption. Look at my cost benefit analysis in motion. Substituting and all.
Wanting to fill the god-shaped vacuum in my heart, and soul, and mind. Really, as in my previous post, need to change where it matters. So many things dont matter. Like whether mental illnesses should be classified as illnesses on the same level as the common flu. So many things that are not important.
Lester covered something about spiritual attack. Something about how things have a spiritual dimension to it. Like how every small setback might be part of the war between good and evil. Which might be true.Which might be overthinking it. But if it is true why would it be overthinking?
Having an assurance of God's love is much comforting. Maybe that is why i am not crazy, full crazy yet.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:58 PM|

Thursday, January 23, 2014

[[]]

O, man, what a miserable, fallen creature. Chasing after things not meant for him to chase. Doing things not meant for him to do to seek things not meant for him to ever get. Searching, groping around in the dark.
The motives are the most important, and the hardest to be seen. Then comes the thoughts and then the actions. Thoughts and actions are but a reflection of the inner intentions and motives of a person. Yet it is hard to see a person's motives. It is hard even to see your own motives. For the closest you can get to are thoughts. But the thoughts cannot be the starting point. There must always be some paradigm, something else that determines what thoughts you think. Something that I would think is the essence of self? At least essence of the mind.
But, you say, there must be something that influences what the motives of one are. Yes yes there are, maybe the environment and all, but most of that is not within our control. By all means stop watching tv if you think tv is making you more stupid, though.
You see, catching thoughts is easy. Catching actions is even easier. For example, say I do not want to say vulgarities anymore. (My aim for this month). It is super duper easy to catch myself after I have said a vulgarity. It is still rather easy, when I am about the say the word, to substitute it for another word, or to just not say anything at all. It is still doable, when I think of saying a word, to immediately catch myself in the thoughts and switch it to something else. But it is so insanely hard to not even think of it.Why, goodness, why would I even think of saying a vulgarity. Even if others are saying it around me. Why am i wired to instantly want to say it too? I am sure there are puritans that such a thing would not even cross their minds.
So the aim is to nip the problems at the bud. Change the paradigm and all will naturally change. Whats with this world's obsession with quick fixes. With things that mask the problem, with things that just cover, hide. So fake. So big a load of malarky. Makes things so complicated instead of solving the problem. I shall make a long shot that is completely ungrounded and postulate that perhaps that is why people are going mad. They have lost authenticity and are imploding with all the falseness and the fixes such that they are unable to determine authenticity any longer.
If one is suppressed from doing what his heart/mind/inner being, it builds pressure until either it leaks out and deflates slowly living a limp shell, or it explodes.
How do i change my fallen heart for one after the right things. I can do the right things for the wrong reasons. The challenge is to do things for the right reasons. That first, then perhaps i can move on to doing right things too.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:28 PM|

[[]]

Hail and farewell, forever and ever, goodbye and joy be with you all.

[[I wrote this at]]*|8:21 PM|

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

[[]]

Solitude is a good counter to pride.
For it removes human approval. It removes comparisons. When one is alone one can only do the things important to himself, what he views as crucial. Other humans are such distractions. No trivialities and stuff to be concerned about.
Yet one is not called to be a solo player.
I have, recently, started to dislike change less. Change is natural, not to be liked or disliked. Resisting change is like resisting tomorrow. Yes, you can dread tomorrow, you can be irked infinitely by change but to what end? Change happens.
So I conclude that we can grieve, and yet should not be overcome with the passing of things. For it is an unchangeable reality. We should accept. And look with cautious hope to the future.
We are all works in progress.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:19 AM|

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

[[]]

Hello all!
I am back from Myanmar.
Discovered alot. Learnt alot. Journey of self-discovery is only the first part indeed. In no way an end. Enlightenment is not the end. Why would it be the end? Total enlightenment should be paired with total obedience. To create a complete package.
I learnt that spiritual truths are so hard to be thought. I would claim impossibility, but I guess its a shade lower than that. They can only be discovered, for it is through the process of discovery that it gets realised as a truth.
Ok going home. Later.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:46 PM|

Monday, January 13, 2014

[[]]

While it would be easier to have somebody for which to do all things for, as in a flesh and blood human in this time period, the easier way is not the right way. Doing things are so much easier with someone encouraging you, being with you. Of someone whose smile just infuses this newfound strength, whose nod of approval is something so sought after.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:05 AM|

Thursday, January 9, 2014

[[]]

It is feelings like this that make you feel alive.
For only a human can rue a loss of something he never had.
Feels almost as refreshing as my previous losses. Triumphs are never as refreshing, never as stark. They call it heady with euphoria. Triumphs seem surreal. It is like the peak, the places in space and time where we feel that we are one with the world, one with success. Its like where you are out-of-the-world, cloud 9, they call it.
And then another perspective on a moody boy complaining about his university applications being rejected. There are people dying, people of my age dying. What do my whims matter in the face of that?
There are people my age not being able to receive education. What does the choice or prestige of higher education hold in comparison?
But why am I comparing 'downwards'? Compassion? Of what do we strive towards?
The calling of Christ is so markedly different. It can be even labelled as slave morality? But which slave wants to remain a slave when mobility is not an issue?
The opportunity cost of following Christ, sacrificing everything is so much more for one that has much in terms of the world. Perhaps that is what Jesus meant when he said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. But then again rich people already have their reward in this earthly plane (i dont mean just materially rich as in wealthy).
But with God, all things are possible. Lets wait and see. With patience and faith.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:02 PM|

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

[[]]

Caves behind waterfalls usually make good hideouts for robbers. A concealed entrance, easily defended access points and a myriad of tunnels for stashing goods.

However, the deep recesses of such caves are also the favorite abode of many man eating monsters. The most dangerous of which are the giant spiders. The cause of many robbers 'deserting' can actually be attributed to them.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:56 PM|

[[]]

Woe is me. For I just hypocrited. If there is even such a word.
This struggle with pride. Is so hard. I find it so hard to kill the sacred cows.
When the cows are not the conventional ones. Or maybe they are, it is just that i do not see.
We must seek forgiveness.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:46 PM|

Sunday, January 5, 2014

[[]]

Life has been decent. I keep postponing posting about life, so much to think about.

Lets see, why do people keep accounts? I feel that it is redundancy? Somewhat. Because if you know you make rational decisions in spending and know that you have not lost any money, your account in the end can only be right. It is like a check upon a check.

Lets debate the merits of redundancy. The army loves it, checks upon checks upon checks. In theory. additional layers of checks would reduce the chance of error. Say for example each check has a 95% chance of being right, then two checks would have a 5% x 5% chance of being wrong which would be a .25% chance of being wrong. So each additional check reduces the chances of there being a mistake.

However in practicality, due to flawed human nature, humans tend to be more reckless when there is a perceived safety net. Possibly people tend to spend money more spuriously when they know they will tally up the figure in the end. More importantly, it invokes the problem of cost of checking. When the cost of checking becomes high, shortcuts will be taken for sure. This coupled with the previous, is a powerful combination.

I would like to elaborate more, but im lazy. And it is late, and i have to sleep. Tata.

[[I wrote this at]]*|1:12 AM|

Saturday, January 4, 2014

[[Drips and Drabs 3]]

When the Poka first discovered that their former allies Beelites were secretly aiding the rival tribe of Rigu, the 8th Poka war council decided to enlist the help of the Jemji. At the cost of a past blood debt and a hefty dip into the treasury, 3 fire assassins were dispatched to Beel.

Ever since then, no Beelite ruler has ever lived past the age of 25. And the Beelite palace has somehow never been whole due to repeated cooking disasters.

[[I wrote this at]]*|1:37 AM|

[[]]

If only doing something was as easy as thinking the same something. Everyone would be close to what they want to be. Why is there this disparity? If to move my hand, all i have to do is to think and want to about it, then what is different with to study for 4 hours straight?

Or it could be that after awhile I do not want to study? Probably, probably. So you must want it more.

[[I wrote this at]]*|1:02 AM|

Thursday, January 2, 2014

[[Drips and drabs 2]]

After the monk single-handedly saved 8 persons from the village of Tlang from death by drowning in the Syanon rapids, the village headman besought his name. A great feast had been planned the following day in his honour.

"Of what difference would my name make?" Said the monk before swiftly executing a triple backflip and resuming his journey.

That is how the nameless backflip monk came to be.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:42 PM|

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

[[]]

Laws conform to society, and not society to laws.

The problem of identity be the definition of identity, the concept of identity and property of identity. In other words, maybe there requires another word to solve the philosophical discrepancies brought about by the use of 'identity'.

Originally written on 4th Dec 2013.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:24 PM|

[[Drips and drabs 1]]

"Looks like this is, number four."

Ashley would have nodded in agreement to her aide, but for certainty's sake, knelt down and tested a sample with the blue liquid. She then turned her trained eye on the body.

"Male human, thirties, probably homeless, probably an alcoholic, by the smell. Probably died from the crushed windpipe, similar to the others." As much as she liked to state the obvious, Ashley was trained a priest and did not lie, hence the hedging.

"The bruising is much worse, all over the upper body, not just the head this time, probably put up more of a struggle" her aide said.

"Either that or the murderer, if they are all the same, is getting more sadistic." Ashley said. "I can't comprehend how grown humans would let themselves get beaten to death by a lollipop though"

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:20 PM|