[[How has been]]

Monday, March 31, 2014

[[]]

Hi all! I have been slacking the past fortnight. My writing has been at a snails pace. I buttressed it with several decent sounding excuses. Namely university apps and secondarily illness.

Ok, so I was only sick for like Thursday till now (Monday). The rest of the two weeks were spent griping and moaning and complaining and doing and whining and groaning and bitching about applications. About what a sad life I had and all.

Ok. So now I shall talk about this latest bout of fever. It started on Thursday night even though the precursors were already there by Thursday evening. It developed and worsened until the climax on Saturday. The whole of Saturday my temperature was above 39.5. And it freaked my whole family (maybe except my sister, lol.) I set a new highscore. 40.1. And to be honest, it scared me quite a bit and I immediately self-prescribed some Brunei-jungle style cooling measures. Even with all that talk about being not afraid to die, I guess I still fear it, a little. Maybe not actually death, but the anticipation of death. Or to be honest, I feared losing my mind to some brain damage more. Like what if I had boiled brains and regressed 10 years of mental age? That would open a massive massive can of philosophical and spiritual worms eh? I dont wanna lose my hard earned convictions. They were very hard earned.

Right, now, i shall digress into a side topic that suddenly caught my fancy. And in the process, delay my actual 'work' even more. oh look, keyboard looks dirty. Give me 10 minutes. Ah, done. Maybe I shall go check out highgrounds. Some interesting looking armorgames game...

Wew. That took about 2hours? I think? Yeah, about 2 hours of timewasting on highgrounds. And now lets divert even further and I shall say that highgrounds is not a bad game.

Ok. Back to the topic, or at least the initial digression. I was saying, should we use medicine to treat like fever, flu? Things that are highly unlikely to prove life-threatening.... (Another 1 hour and 20 minutes was wasted, mostly on youtube. hey this shows, in great detail, how this post is created. You get behind the scenes as well.) (and 30 more minutes since the previous sentence, see the chronological progression?)

Yes, so the point is that fever heals naturally in about 3 days (for me). Medicine does not shorten the recovery (at least empirically, I don't think it does). I dearly wanna try going without medicine for an entire bout of illness once. Of course, i don't mean to the neglect of my own health and eventual death. The only medicine that I find, has any visible effect, is Panadol, which provides a nice 4 hour window to get stuff done and bathe (because you know, if you bathe off-Panadol, the water is freezing.) The rest just like, I dunno, cannot be definitively attributed to the medicine and not my body's own immune system.

Of course, I do admit im not a doctor nor even a medical student nor even a prospective medical student nor even a medic. So whatever im expressing is just a layperson's opinion.

But from this perspective, I, still relatively young (I feel old) and healthy, should not, under normal circumstances, die or suffer any permanent debilitating harm. If medicine does not speed up my healing, why take it?

Now, (once again, ignorant lazy person that cannot be bothered to do medical research), I would think that apart from the creation of 'superbugs' and all that antibiotic resistant strains, would not taking medicine render the immune system less robust? Like if the immune system has to easy a life it will generally lose its ability and rigor to combat future infections leading to a heavier reliance on more medication and so on and so forth. And there is also another side point about how some medicines might stay in your body longer than needed and also harmful side effects and all. That makes it 3 points.

I sound a little contradictory holding that medicine kills germs yet asserting that it does not allow my fever to go down faster. Maybe it is inbuilt into my body to turn the fever on for three days or something. Regardless of amount of germs or something. I dunno, mechanism unknown to me.

Medicine should be used as a life buoy and not a raft. I feel that it should be only take when needed, and the 'needed' standard should be quite high (like not limited to lives only, of course). A person on a raft will never learn how to swim.

Then comes the other side: if medicine is not to cure, but merely to ease symptoms, something like a painkiller of sorts. I dunno, I guess I would take the painkiller once in awhile but yeahhhh. Like for example I think I only took 3 panadols the whole 3 days I was sick, at my parents insistence (ok one was voluntary, the temperature was too high for my liking).

Is that still considered healing? Is bringing relief healing? How about just dispensing morphine? Or maybe putting those in pain into an artificial coma. Where does one draw the line on relief bringing. Is mopiko medicine? Lolol. I dunno lah.

My senior medic once said "heat rash won't die one".

Ok bye. I shall try to churn out the other posts by tonight. AND ironically you will be reading this post last if I do manage to.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:43 PM|

Thursday, March 27, 2014

[[Giving sin a foothold]]

It is quite amazing how when I let myself say something negative, much worse reprisals come forward. As if as I stupidly punched a hole in a dyke and let in a flood.
Sympathy is a crutch.
Ugh I am going to fall sick.
Terrible mood.
How is it that I let such irrelevant things such as university placings rile me?

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:21 PM|

Sunday, March 23, 2014

[[]]

I must remember, always, why I live.
There is no other way.
Why live for the wrong reasons when you can live for the right?
How can one want to live for the wrong reasons when one has heard the truth?
Actually I can answer that question. The world, my flesh, my being yearns for all the wrong thing, all the wrong reasons. I must either attribute it to a renewed attack by Satan or perhaps, the sin that has been innately mine since birth. It is so hard to choose right.
Today's talk, even though I was playing with my phone (sighs, what is wrong with me. Playing 2048 at that...) seems to affirm my choice. As in, it is the only logical way of thinking. After making the decision yet, to act. It is hard. Yet knowledge without action is dead. Like faith without deeds is dead.
Hais, while I thank God for letting me know, all the more I must ask for the strength to act on what I know. At least I have no excuse of ignorance. Yet while knowing, it is a completely irrational decision to choose against it. Such wretchedness (I guess that would be biblical language) is a man's plight. I would, in common English, say a person in a position such that which I find myself in is both immensely blessed and, at the same time, torn. Between the fallen being and the holy God. I guess having the knowledge is really by God's grace, very easy for anyone to choose otherwise. And be lured by the world. I think I have my parents to thank, not just for say, praying and all, but perhaps by being.
By right I should be compelled. Irresistibly compelled to reciprocate God's love? But this just wars with the environment, the world and the being.
Hais, there is nothing I can do. Only God can do. Nothing I can do does not mean I will do nothing, but I mean that I cannot do anything on my own.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:50 PM|

Monday, March 17, 2014

[[]]

Originally I had wanted to write about the added things one must give up to follow Christ in order to gain more. But something more urgent cropped up.

I just realised. I'm scared of failing. With the recent spat of university rejections, i started to hide my pricked ego. Form a shield, play cautiously. Previously I just anyhow apply, hope to get in, sad when never. Previously I had the luxury of time, it is different now.

Now what I apply I need to get in. Like seriously do it. There is no no-loss approach anymore. And this makes the decision ever more important. The groundings behind it, evermore have to be right. I must admit, the initial approach was terrible. It was a delay battle, doing some ridiculous attempt at trying to test the system. Trying to get in at half-effort, half-interest.

Since my half-effort failed, I am now fearful that my full-effort would fail too. I started hiding, not putting in the full effort for fear that my full effort would be not up to it. This was, I guess, a unconscious move on my part. Throw in some societal and peer pressure, muddle in some other trains of thought, and add to the mix falling in love with some other ideals and you have a sorry mix that is I.

Such attitude, distilled, definitely wont do. It is so unchristian like too. I believe. Since when is ego shielding part of it? So I guess I shall do my best. And if it is not meant to be, no worries. If it is meant to be, no worries too, I can always decide another time. Why am I so concerned with what do I want to do? It is not a irreversible chess move. At most just spend a couple of years learning something else.

So I guess, this is it. But even doing so, i must make sure it is not for my ego. I am so fearful of doing things for the wrong reason. But that is not a reason to not do. At the very least I should drop law from my choice of course and go straight to fass. It is definitely wrong to apply law and go into another possible interview without being prepared.

I guess the two years havent done much. I still did not force the decision that I have to force now. I just pushed it back the whole two years. At least I am a stronger person. A more grounded person. A better person. Even though the abovementioned failure in pride is appalling. Too much pride. Such a wreck. How much do i need a mender?

Paralysed with fear is for the weak. Why am I weak? Not anymore, hopefully.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:55 PM|

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

[[]]

I had originally planned to maintain a decent sleep cycle. Of sleeping before 12 and waking before 8. But alas, it is not to be. The best conversations happen at night. Because my peers sleep late I am obliged to sleep late. Not compelled to, but obliged because I like to talk to them. Such are the simple things that one cannot control in life. That is why people must work standard working hours and not like noon to 2130 however much they wanted to.

Just had a couple of slightly enlightening experiences. All the while time ticks by. Keeps ticking. Relentlessly. But I am in no rush. I dont have a finite amount of time. I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want. It just depends on how much I want it. There is no such thing as no time or no energy, just not wanting enough. Of course, there are physical considerations. One cannot like hold his breath for 5 minutes. Wait, what? You can?

Finally I met someone who thinks the same way as I. Really entertaining. I mean, wow. After travelling the world for so long. Even people who understand me are few and far between. Kinda grateful. Helps me set my thinking straight. Refine what I have already thought. Bring out what I have been thinking but refuse to admit.

So amusing. Me hypocritically calling others hypocrites. I guess having others to trailblaze helps lessen my insecurities. Afterall, that would mean I am following instead of bashing into unknown terrain. Unknown scary terrain. Places that I am afraid to bash into and meet horrors. Even though I know that is highly likely the place to go. Following is always easier than bashing.

What was I actually afraid of losing? Inconsequential things. And for what? I cannot live a godly life while clinging to the world. It is just not possible. There can only be one thing most important. That is why its called most and not more.

At the same time the heads up about coming perils. Yes, really helpful. Can't believe how big a breakthrough this finally is. After I've been deadlocked and struggling for two years plus now. Grateful and yet there is more to be done.

A changed life is more important than works? Of course. That is to not say we do not do works, but a changed life is more important. It is always right to have the right intentions rather than to do the right things. It is just I had no idea on the 'how'? Now I have.

Wonderful life I am leading, though perhaps I dread the day it will come to pass. But new opportunities must be taken advantage of. One cannot stagnate. One keeps fighting against the current, keeps striving, for to tread water is to be swept away.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:14 PM|

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

[[]]

Christians better wake up their ideas. Or those that call themselves Christians but not behave according to what they profess their beliefs to be.

We should shed the self-righteousness. We should return to authenticity.

Matthew 16:26a - What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? NIV

Traditionally this has always been used as the rallying cry that Christians use to tell non-believers that yes, gains in the world are all well and good but matters of the soul, eternity is more important, is all that matters.

Organised Christianity can also take this verse, should take this (even though it might be a little out of context) introspectively.

I just read the book Mortality by Christopher Hitchens. Nice book. Nice person. I admire him sticking to his beliefs to the end. Of course, that is what beliefs are for. It is like the early Christian martyrs that could stare death in the face and refuse to renounce Christ. Or when Martin Luther could refused to recant of the heresies that he accused the church in Rome of despite threats from the papacy. So ironic that now Christianity is so mainstream such that people stick to their unbelief more firmly then one sticks to their beliefs.

I think the main accusations leveled in the book by Hitchens target the human establishment of the church. Or what I would call practiced Christianity.

There is a quote widely attributed to Ghandi - I like your Christ ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.

I think the churches and Christians as a whole should guard against being self-righteous. Being a Christian, calling yourself sons of God does not make one more righteous nor does it make one a judge over the others. Hitchens sites an example where a 'Christian' wrote to him upon discovery of his esophageal cancer that it was his 'just desserts' for his blasphemy and cursed him to be tortured on earth and in hell forever thereafter.

I mean, what the heck? It is exceptionally ironic that while such a behavior being called out is clearly wrong, it is also clearly unchristian. If the great commandment, the summary of all the commandments is to love the lord your god with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and to love your neighbour as yourself then surely, surely this cannot be the result. There is also another commandment by jesus to love your enemies.

There are many other acts that Hitchens speaks out against, the almost-indulgence-like-practice of donations in turn for prayers of blessing and healing/ laying of hands. The abuses of wealth by churches .etc?

Those are all jokes. Jokes of the world. I think perhaps Christianity can only be authentic under persecution. I would even go as far to say that perhaps these atheist ridicule is even valid and justified, and what a sad plight it is for non-believers to point out what is wrong with the church. Blessed are the poor. There is an insane amount of material wealth being touted as blessings.

I think we need to change, less the church gains the world and loses its soul.

All Christians should humble themselves and strive to be like Christ. Not the ways of the world. And not the 'other Christians should humble themselves. I am already pretty humble' that i am also guilty of, sometimes. Let god work the wonders, there is no flaw in Christianity as a belief, only in the practice.

[[I wrote this at]]*|12:42 PM|

Monday, March 3, 2014

[[]]

From Wikipedia
The Euthyphro dilemma is found in Plato's dialogue Euthyphro, in which Socrates asks Euthyphro, "Is the pious (τὸ ὅσιον) loved by the gods because it is pious, or is it pious because it is loved by the gods?"

Lets not use the word Gods but rather God, because there is only one god. (woot statement)

Basically it is asking is something good because God has commanded it or God commands what is already good it?

Anyway I hold the normal? Biblical view? I do not actually see any logical flaw or contradiction.

In the book I read it says when asked this question "God" (clearly not God), answers that it is good because he commands it. The philosopher then replies by "that is surely the wrong answer because if good is what you command then you could make torturing babies good." To which "God" then says something to the effect like aha i was testing you, it is the other. To which the philosopher then replies that if good exists outside god then there is no need to study god.

Ok very charming, such a story. I give it to you.

Anyway I feel that both the premises are true, something is good because God has commanded it and God commands what is good because God is good. Confusing?

Maybe I shall define it narrower. Maybe the top one was not so good.

Good is defined by God. God is good, he is by being good. So something is good because God commands it. But to the answer that God would command torturing of babies and hence make it good, the answer is yes, God can but God will not because he is good. And hence whatever God commands is good because God commands it and at the same time there is an independent good which is God. WHICH MEANS there is no good independent of God.

So this steers clear of the sovereignty, omnipotence and freedom of will issues. I mean, if you want to argue that he is constrained by his being and hence not omnipotent, hmm. I would say that he can but will not do evil. Wahahaha. Like how you can but will not shoot yourself in the head I guess.

So i guess it is a false dilemma. Like the ones proposed. This takes God to be a 'being' not a 'supreme being'. Once again. Maybe it would work for Plato's original text where he says gods so maybe like, the greek Gods who can sin and all. Then it makes sense. And yes, the correct conclusion is that the greek gods are irrelevant, no need to study them. LOLOL. bigotry.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:31 AM|