[[How has been]]

Saturday, July 30, 2016

[[]]

Have I counted the cost of following Christ?

I think I take being a follower of Jesus pretty seriously. Yet, I wonder whether I have really given my life to him. Like how two years ago I made the decision to take Christianity seriously, perhaps soon I should commit to really giving my life to Jesus?

Like I always say, why I study philosophy is in a large part, to see if the Christian faith is logical and sensible given that I am to live according to it. Perhaps, perhaps I ought to live according to it fully, like fully commit. I think I haven't fully committed yet??? Like there are things I really still want. A full committal would leave no rational room for leaving any part of my life deliberately unsanctified/in progress of sanctification I guess.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:31 PM|

Friday, July 29, 2016

[[]]

I still have much to go as a person who says he wants to live for God. There are many idols in my life that have yet to be smashed. Idols that I think I have smashed yet keep remnants to nurture. Idols that have just changed in form.

Woohoo,

Sigh, the struggle is long and I keep falling.

But stand up I must and be sanctified I must. By God's Grace I guess. Think the road to purity is really not easy man but the joy before us is much greater.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:32 PM|

Friday, July 22, 2016

[[]]

I want to turn back to God again. And again. And again. Sigh, this is really testament to my human depravity. The psalmist's eyes shed streams of tears because people do not keep God's law. What do I do when it is I that does not keep God's law?

How does one achieve genuine repentance and like, genuine change of heart. Many times I thought I have done it, but still. And I am afraid that this won't be the last time.

[[I wrote this at]]*|3:05 AM|

Thursday, July 21, 2016

[[And again...]]

I am ashamed of what I have done. I am ashamed, really, and remorseful. Yet, if I am honest with myself, I probably don't hate it enough, don't hate the sin with every fiber of my being. Born in sin, my natural tendency is to harbour it and to feed it.

Am I doomed, on this earth, to continually fall. Is this the curse that comes with original sin that resides in my earthly body that I can never overcome fully while on this side of mortality? The struggle to lead a pure life is so hard. I depend on myself, not on God. This sanctifying process is a long and continual one I guess. I ought to look forward to the future where I will be even more sanctified and made pure by the spirit. And there seems to be very little literature on people who want to follow God yet sin. I guess David is a clear example. Or perhaps, and I would argue, it is possible that the decision to follow God is not made seriously enough yet??? Paul mentions a thorn in his flesh that I guess could have been temptation.

Then there's Romans 7:14-25. I dunno is Paul writing this about like him sinning continually after becoming an apostle or something but, yeah, I feel it man, I feel it. The best thing about this part is that it seems to describe conscious sin (idk if there is unconscious sin but yeah). How can one willfully choose to sin knowing full well the consequences and like, its impact? I believe I know quite well (perhaps not fully), yet I still CHOOSE to sin. It is ridiculous. Presumably Paul knows way better than me and yet he still chooses(?) to sin?

Where is this victory in Christ over sin? Hmmm? Or perhaps I am too impatient for 'results' ? Perhaps.

Sin is like a coup happening in yourself.

[[I wrote this at]]*|8:02 PM|

Monday, July 11, 2016

[[]]

Off to join the army!

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:39 AM|

Friday, July 1, 2016

[[]]

Obedience to God is grace, it is indeed true and humbling eh. I never thought of it that way. Perhaps then lack of obedience to God signifies ... (can't be insufficient grace) the deceitful human heart?

[[I wrote this at]]*|1:21 AM|