[[How has been]]

Sunday, May 28, 2017

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Once in a while, I try to convince myself, and a select other people, that what is ... not ideal is acceptable. And I put alot of effort into it, thinking and rationalising and defending and arguing and twisting and whatnot. To defend desires of the flesh. Sigh. And I have the audacity to try and pretend it is above board.

[[I wrote this at]]*|3:59 PM|

Saturday, May 20, 2017

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yknow, i kinda get pissed off when i read philosophical works nowadays... so much brain is put into a sudoku puzzle (as my prof put it). Something of no significance. Of course this has to be spelt out.

[[I wrote this at]]*|7:39 AM|

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

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If religion is deep play, then we be hardcore gamers.

[[I wrote this at]]*|7:56 AM|

Monday, May 15, 2017

[[Maybe heaven is about raw numbers rather than "percentage" or ratio of humanity saved.]]

So the thought is, and (some parts of) this is hypothetical, that Jesus has not come again because waiting for the people who are saved to be saved right. And each person being saved is a cause for great celebration. Yet it seems to many that with each passing day, more people who are not saved are dying than those who are saved. Seems to suggest (without me presuming to judge other people's salvation) that there may be more people "going to hell" each day than "going to heaven" (lets bracket when this actually works .etc.)

Yet perhaps it is not so much that people go to hell = bad and people go to heaven = good, ultimately. But that each person that was supposed to go to hell but come to faith in Jesus and hence can have a relationship with God = good. The converse is also good, where God judges people justly accordingly to their sins. But where faith in Jesus provides mercy, it is very good.

So the natural question would be wouldn't good be less good than very good? I think not really, because first is you can't really quantify good. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, mercy is shown only if there is justice.

So yeah! With each person being saved, the heavens rejoice. And, I guess, we are closer to having Jesus come again. With each person that dies without being saved, it just is, and he will get what he deserves (I personally hold that Jesus might save people for whatever reason he wants).

[[I wrote this at]]*|5:11 AM|

Thursday, May 11, 2017

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All people are interesting, not all people are interesting to me because, i fail to perceive their interestingness or i am not interested in their interestingness.

Interesting is a term I arbitrarily construct in order to justify certain interests.

Interesting is a matter of degree.

I ought not base my identity on this arbitrarily constructed concept.

I ought not base my identity on the validation that certain relationships give me.

Yet I probably do, to some degree.

Must keep this well and truly a side project.

See, in theory, it is a side project. I find it easy to say the right things, a little harder to do the right things, and hardest of all to have the right heart to do things. Truly God knows my heart, even I don't know my heart when I don't try to look into it (it is quite easy to believe the justifications that you tell others, and hence yourself). Even if I look, I only have imperfect knowledge of it. It is nice of God to send people to help me realise my sins, things I put before him.

Ah... Why does one always seek happiness, seek validation in the wrong places. And at this age, from the opposite gender is such a "thing" we are conditioned to seek approval from. I guess this is true throughout history in countless examples of people who, yknow, did clearly noticable stuff due to this desire. Yet approval shan't be from females (in my case) but from God.

Ah, that the stuff I tell myself be the stuff that you want me to tell myself. How insidious, that my heart deceives myself. And it is my heart, which is, myself (there is nothing even to direct the blame towards).

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:53 PM|

Monday, May 8, 2017

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Agm is in 1 week, essay is due this friday. And yet, and yet I didn't do anything towards either of these today. Well, let me not guilt trip myself. It is perfectly fine not to do work. You just pay the consequences. And the consequences should not include worrying. Wolololo.

Recent few days have been good. Really. Like, I have learnt so much just living. Think this is what life ought to be, living. (For Christ, if you are a Christian). If you are not a Christian, still you can live. By living I mean... like a level beyond existing, beyond surviving. Not stuck in the past nor pining only for the future. Yet not with abandon. It is hard to describe. I don't make much sense. I am tired. Well.... I looked at a few people I unfollowed on facebook. Dang. The different paths lives take. So fascinating.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:08 AM|

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

[[Solo travel part 2]]

Since I am quite on the roll, and because I really don't wanna do my essay, I think I ought narrate the rest of my travels this easter break. Lest I forget too much. So the previous post starts at the end of Paris. Paris was great thanks to the hospitality of Marken and Ewan. Marken who hosted me at polytechnique and who was a great host and Ewan who brought me out for half a day and planned a picnic. Yet when you are with friends, the interactions are pretty much limited to them. I talked a little to some of Marken's french peers. Most memorable was perhaps talking to this guy giving out election flyers (while I was waiting for Ewan) at the entrance of a train station. He was telling me he did exchange in LSE, and his university was just across the street and he was doing his part for the country (as a volunteer). I asked if he really believed in the candidate, he said not exactly but he is the best alternative to le penn. And he said that his team was wasting time because they ran out of flyers. And they were waiting for someone to give them new flyers. And the stupid thing is the flyers are in a box about 30m away (so he points to the box) but they don't have the key.

After I left the other Singaporeans, I took a bus from Stuttgart to Munich. Don't really recall talking to anyone on the bus. Oh wait, I do. I was talking to this guy (local german, bald head, beefy) who worked in the security business. For high net-worth individuals. Was really interesting. Talked abit about whether he learned martial arts (yes, but he mostly relies on his arms i.e guns). How to get into the business (you can't actually, it is alot of networks and experience in the industry because the industry places a high premium on experience as well as trust). Said something about living with his girlfriend and not going to marry her because, for what? They both have kids anyway (I think this was him) from a previous marriage. Something about different value systems. He lived in Dubai for quite awhile, doesn't know Arabic. And he also said he was taking the bus because, it takes about the same amount of time as driving. Oh, and he was wearing a suit. Have I said I quite like bus rides?

In Munich I spent most of the time with an acquaintance from NUS. We talked lots, and went around, but that shall not be filed under "talking to strangers", so not here. I don't really recall much actually, I recall talking to an indonesian while watching munich snow in april.

Then I took the bus to prague. Before the bus to prague, at the bus terminal, i had lunch with this lady. Who is about 25 I think. Works nearby. It was an italian restaurant so... That was good. I had a really delicious pizza wrap thing. Just sorta joined her. Shes working in advertisement whatnot business having studied something like CNM. Was quite the environmentalist and wanted to pursue a job in that sector in the future. Said she does some protests against the local circus (which I didn't go and see). I asked why the environment as the main life aim. She said it is because it was most important. Interesting. Then bus to prague. There was a beautiful lady that helped me connect to wifi. Rofl. But... Didn't really pursue any substantial conversation. Some other day for Prague I guess. Let me list down, lest I forget. 2 China exchange students who look like they have been drinking. One of them told me my chinese was as good/bad as hk people. Rofl. A taiwanese medical student that is here for attachment. Kinda paranoid, seems to me. A canadian med student that is on a gap year, and apparently she travelled africa before, with her best friend, at the age of 17 or something. Pretty wacky. She is now 19? She earns her own keep at the hostel by doing some shifts. Some argentina people... I feel maybe cos their geographic distance is the furthest, the cultural difference is also the furthest? Hmmm. Wanted to meet ask some girl to have dinner, but I chickened out. Rofl. Chickening out as strangers that will never meet again? I dont understand myself. I felt there was much less to talk because the areas I went to was much more touristy. so... conclusion was I dont like touristy. And since I already wrote this, I think this will be all for prague. Oh oh, on the flight back, I was chatting to this german guy, that was interesting, was a medical researcher who was visiting a friend at Ncl. Also a doctor, heads his own lab. And he was researching mitochondrial disease. I tried to impress him with some bio knowledge (rofl, I think I'm ridiculous some times, not to mention sinful, not that he knew what I was trying to do). But it was a worthwhile conversation. What stuck was he said, yeah, many people have worse jobs than me. Lol. After I said his job sounds really fun.

Hope I didn't miss anyone. But if I forgot them... then they are quite unmemorable and deserved to be forgotten.

[[I wrote this at]]*|8:57 AM|