[[How has been]]

Friday, June 30, 2017

[[On whining]]

Well, much has happened since my last post.
I have left England, after quite a nice last few days with people I care about. I have also jumped into the thick of things, in exco. And I have attended my 4th and final FOC (i think). Really tired from it actually, but it is pretty fun and meaningful.
I wonder whether I should go to army. I wonder whether I am going to survive the coming AY, actually, scratch that. I will survive the coming AY, I wonder whether I am going to flourish. The potential to flourish greatly is there. Seems like a challenge. But I guess God is there for me. And it is God that will support me through.
Let me share a recent reflection about whining. I like to whine. And, it is pretty prevalent. One of my codename was eeyore, because of this. And I think a stout young man by the name of edward reminded me most frequently about my whining, think he didn't really like it. At that time I was rather annoyed with his constantly pointing it out, but well, I guess it is true and one should reflect on accurate criticism regardless of the person giving it's intent.
Let me discern certain motives behind whining.
Oftentimes, I think, at least in army (during that period), it was to draw attention to myself. That kind of whining is annoying as shit. Because sometimes it is a disguised brag. Like, oh man, i need to help my buddy clean the bunk because he is out doing some other things. It actually means, look at me, Im so good, helping my buddy. Bla bla. There are many other variations. Most commonly, I think, I'm so busy or, I am taking so many number of mods .etc. I still do this sometimes. Its the complainbrag. And its disgusting. I think I rather just brag than do this complain brag shit. For at least there is more authenticity there. I think, I have reduced the instances of this. Sometimes the pride is strong and it slips out. Still, by God's grace, it shall be reduced or removed.
Lets see. There is a second kind of whining. I think I shall call it the lament-whine. I think this overlaps sometimes with the complainbrag though not always. I think this has a potential of being pure. Basically in this situation, you know that there is something undesirable going on yet you kinda still have to do it. So you whine about it to sorta, make sense of it and express the emotions. Like e.g sigh, book in again. Or, sigh, exchange is ending. Or, sigh, I can't wait to die.
So in the camp there was this discussion about wrestling with God. I find that I don't really ask like why God, to me accepting that God is in control is doable if one is able to accept God as God. Following which, if God is in control and he is good, then stuff happens for good (as defined by God) and I don't really need to know why. What I do then, instead of asking God why, is to lament-whine about it. See, here, I am not exactly asking for a change in circumstance or like anger-complaining like why you inflict this on me. More like a general lament. Like a, I know this is medicine is good for me but I'm still gonna whine about having to eat something bitter-tasting. So, basically, I whine about circumstances that is not really to my preferences while supposedly understanding that my preferences are not the most well-informed. It is like expressing an emotion, expressing something that was desired. Like expressing the desire, yknow, like sometimes you tell someone you like them, not to get together with them but to get it off your chest (not me la). It is like you feel one way but you decide another and so this whine lets the feeling get expressed as a wisp of smoke as it is intentionally burnt off by uncaring reason.
Are there other types of whining, Im sure if I think hard enough and probe I probably can find some. I had a third on the tip of my tongue, but I am tired.

[[I wrote this at]]*|1:26 AM|

Thursday, June 8, 2017

[[Is a romantic relationship anything more than friendship and sexual (attraction and whatnot)?]]

The question is, is there anything within a romantic relationship that cannot be covered exhaustively by friendship and the sexual dimension?

I think not.

For the friendship side, it is a very deep friendship, one that covers the bases of understanding, mutual fondness, building, improving each other. The sexual part is, yeah just the sexual part.

Some might argue that there is this being bound. This idea of permanence or at least some concrete kind of commitment made. Let me separate this from exclusivity. What I have to say is that there is no permanence in the romantic. It is a pipe dream. By definition, a romantic relationship that is not marriage is not permanent (at least, to a large amount of the population). Contrasted with friendship, I think a friendship has a greater commitment to permanence (at least, explicitly stated).
Perhaps some might argue this commitment is explicit and public in a romantic relationship and implicit, tacit in a friendship. Ok, maybe. I think, however, that this is not intrinsic to the relationship (and by relationship, I mean that which relates between two people), but like something external, yknow. Like how this relationship is perceived by a thirdparty. For that which is between two people, I don't see how this affects. And here, I am not talking about things like oh because public relationship you cannot do/ or must do certain things because of societal pressure or external expectations. Those are also not fundamental or belonging to the essence of the relationship. Perhaps it will be helpful to think of relationship as how one relates to the other party and relation, is not reducible to action although action stems from relation, I would think. So action might be affected by these external considerations or explicit commitments but the relation, not really. I guess perhaps one could again argue that action leads to habit and whatnot and then it might affect the relation in the long run. Maybe, but I think not very key.

Ok, then there is this idea of exclusivity. And maybe the commitment is to exclusivity. Again I am tempted to think that exclusivity is an external predicate given to the relationship, not that which is the relationship. Perhaps, an imperfect example can be helpful for this intrinsic/non-intrinsic thing I am trying to get at. Think of the relationship as a liquid, say, water. Then the extrinsic things would be like the bottle that the water is contained in or the label on the bottle. bahhhh. lazy to finish.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:21 PM|

Thursday, June 1, 2017

[[]]

Raw ability is normatively neutral. It is how one utilises their abilities that determines the person. A great hero could also be a great villian. A mediocre thug could be a decent human.

[[I wrote this at]]*|6:31 AM|