What ought?
One reason why we Christians (especially), but perhaps applicable to non-Christians as well, are so hesitant to call out selfishness or self-centeredness in others is because, then, we don't have to call out our own selfishness and self-centeredness as well.
To distract.
There are much more important things to do.
Much more sensible things at hand.
But why do them now, when I can do them later?
Or best, if I die tonight, then I won't have to toil.
If I die tonight, it will all be done.
So I distract, at least for tonight.
And maybe tomorrow will be better.
Or worse, but if it is worse I can still distract.
But distracting brings up these feelings of guilt.
That I am wasting my time.
And makes me feel ... bad.
I don't like these feelings.
But I don't like doing work more.
At least for now.
Guilt can be dealt with in two ways:
One can deal with it the properly.
By asking for forgiveness and repenting.
And doing what ought to be done.
Or one can harden one's conscience.
By focusing on the circumstances and justifying one's actions.
And what was wrong can seem right.
Or one can postpone guilt.
And distract.
And hope it goes away, knowing it won't.
But at least it is hidden when you are distracted.
At least for awhile.
What is time that gives the illusion of change?
How does distracting work?
Is it even rational? If it is not rational, why do it?
Maybe i'll think about it.
Tomorrow.
Taking life seriously, living according to what one believes.
I feel like since i started doing, I started living less.
Usually I am very intrigued by people who take life seriously as seen by their actions. Like, living life with some purpose. Whatever purpose that might be.
Man this is a issue. I am more interested in people than God, most of the time. What was supposed to be a side project takes on a lopsided significance. Because the people seem to be more appealing. And they are warm bodies that can be hugged or grasped. God only take the form of a cold pillow that I use as a bolster yknow.
Anyway, i do find living with a purpose incredibly attractive or something. Like, man, they are doing something. On the flip side, I find those who just go through life trying to survive freaking boring. Like, what are you doing. Even worse is the people who just like do something they dont really wanna do, then come back and compensate by rotting in front of some drama or some kinda idle thing that they like but dont really super like. Ugh.
I am terrifically selfish and I really really really wanna explore the areas that are unexplored. Yet it is not what I am called to do.
I feel like I committed to God, some years ago. And that commitment while I thought was complete, actually held quite alot of things back for myself (at least implicitly). And, apart from my constant sinning and failures, I feel like I am nearing the limit of that commitment. Like it wasn't clearly spelt out luh, but I feel like I am being prompted to make a new commitment. Something that entails even more of my life. Why is God so possessive? For my good luh, i know. Why God doesnt be happy with this "above average" thing that I am giving him. So sad. so demanding. Yet for my good luh. If God were the type of God that most people who call themselves Christians think he is, e.g some sort of tax you pay then you go heaven, tax on time, energy and money. I think I can lead a pretty sick pseudo-Christian life. Probably be well respected in church/christian circles and in the world. If I am not being over confident of my abilities, that is. I think should be quite do-able leh. Maybe can earn quite alot of money, do some stuff for church on the side, say correct Christian stuff, give money to charity and church, marry a beautiful wife, produce talented kids, have interesting hobbies. But that is not what God calls us to right???
Yknow, perhaps once upon a time that was my aim. But what to do. Now I have to think do I commit my whole life. man. What a choice. Seems like a no-brainer. But man. The world is so sparkly. The things of the world are so interesting.
Oh perhaps it would be easier to be a scum who has done everything, a scum in the eyes of God and in the world. For you would have tasted the world and found it yucky or unsatisfying, or hollow. But for us, we have to take God at his word. And taste the sweetness of knowing God. Man. I think I have been relying on willpower too much. And this willpower is not the way to go in the long run man.
In light of the recent announcement that Halimah Yacob is the only candidate eligible to run for the upcoming presidential elections, I have some comments, namely presented from the PAP point of view.
I'm not even sure that what the PAP did is best for themselves, if they were acting selfishly.
One alternative is that this is just a short term gain thing at long term loss. Who are those that might have this interest though? Surely not next-generation leaders eh?
Because I lost about 140m chips in about 2-3 days, ive decided to take a break in poker and hence, have time to ruminate and write this. It is actually an answered prayer lol. It has been that each time I feel like ive been spending too much time on a game or something then I'll pray then I'll lose tremendously then I'll quit.
What joy it is to be repulsed by sin rather than actively resisting it. If one sees God for what he is, what else is there to do to desire him? Is he not desirable enough as he is? In comparison to everything: the most beautiful girl, the most engaging book, the brilliant wrenching melody.
Had an interesting conversation about changing church... Something about caring about the universal church rather than local church. (which, makes alot of sense actually). I will flesh this out someday.
Apparently the someday is today. Anyway, so the topic at hand is whether it is right to change church? And under what conditions should such a change be made? And what considerations.
I traditionally have been against people changing churches. Thinking was that if there is an issue in the local church you are attending, you should work to fix it and make it thrive. Perhaps only reason to leave is if the church is teaching heresy i.e is not actually a church.
I think one argument goes like this. You can leave your church if the church does not follow the Bible as accurately. Hmm, im tired. Tomorrow.
[[To be]]
[[The Story Thus]]
|January 2008|February 2008|March 2008|April 2008|May 2008|June 2008|July 2008|August 2008|September 2008|October 2008|November 2008|December 2008|January 2009|February 2009|March 2009|April 2009|May 2009|June 2009|July 2009|August 2009|September 2009|October 2009|November 2009|December 2009|January 2010|February 2010|March 2010|April 2010|May 2010|June 2010|July 2010|August 2010|September 2010|October 2010|November 2010|December 2010|January 2011|February 2011|March 2011|April 2011|May 2011|June 2011|July 2011|August 2011|September 2011|October 2011|November 2011|December 2011|January 2012|February 2012|March 2012|April 2012|May 2012|June 2012|July 2012|August 2012|September 2012|October 2012|November 2012|December 2012|January 2013|February 2013|March 2013|April 2013|May 2013|June 2013|July 2013|August 2013|September 2013|October 2013|November 2013|December 2013|January 2014|February 2014|March 2014|April 2014|May 2014|June 2014|July 2014|August 2014|September 2014|October 2014|November 2014|December 2014|January 2015|February 2015|March 2015|April 2015|May 2015|June 2015|July 2015|August 2015|September 2015|October 2015|November 2015|December 2015|January 2016|February 2016|March 2016|April 2016|May 2016|June 2016|July 2016|August 2016|September 2016|October 2016|November 2016|December 2016|January 2017|February 2017|March 2017|April 2017|May 2017|June 2017|July 2017|August 2017|September 2017|October 2017|November 2017|December 2017|January 2018|February 2018|March 2018|April 2018|May 2018|June 2018|July 2018|August 2018|September 2018|October 2018|November 2018|December 2018|January 2019|February 2019|March 2019|April 2019|May 2019|June 2019|July 2019|August 2019|September 2019|October 2019|November 2019|December 2019|January 2020|February 2020|March 2020|April 2020|May 2020|June 2020|July 2020|August 2020|September 2020|October 2020|November 2020|December 2020|January 2021|February 2021|March 2021|April 2021|May 2021|June 2021|July 2021|August 2021|September 2021|October 2021|November 2021|December 2021|January 2022|February 2022|March 2022|April 2022|May 2022|June 2022|July 2022|August 2022|September 2022|October 2022|November 2022|December 2022|January 2023|February 2023|March 2023|April 2023|May 2023|June 2023|July 2023|August 2023|September 2023|October 2023|November 2023|December 2023|January 2024|February 2024|March 2024|April 2024|May 2024|June 2024|July 2024|August 2024|September 2024|October 2024|November 2024|December 2024|January 2025
[[The Talk (also silent)]]
[[The Ancients]]