[[How has been]]

Sunday, October 29, 2017

[[On knowing the reflected life]]

I have discovered. One main thing that I want out of certain interactions beyond a certain level of relationship is knowledge about their reflected life.

It is not just reflections though I like to hear most reflections generally (especially if I care about you) because the reflections might have nothing to do about you. Like for example, it could be a long monologue about what you think of say, the beer tasting industry. Interesting and all but "what it is to you" is missing. And insofar as the interaction is with a person, "what it is to you" is a very important component. I don't want a take on "x", whatever "x" is (or if i wanted, I could read an article about it, a well-formed. The link between the reflection and the reflector is very important. If you were to tell me of your interactions with the beer industry and then your reflections on it, ah, that be quite interesting.

It is not just life, because everyone does really rather dumb stuff and like, uh, I don't really need (or want) to know everything about your life. What I want to know is life through your lenses (sorta), or at least through your sieve. What is important to you that you put thought into it, that you prioritise enough to spend time mulling over. What you did or are doing is kinda like... okayyyyy... but like, that kinda doesn't need interaction and/or depth of relationship. It gives information about what you are doing but not exactly about you i.e the thinking you, I would think. Many people do things they don't give a shit about, or don't like to do, .etc .etc. You need to relate what you do to you, or like the reasons for doing such at the very least. Of course, you don't have to tell me you ate because you were hungry or you took a shit cos you felt a shit coming. These are like unreflected and trivial reasons. Thats where reasons still fail at times. Reflections on these reasons though... hmmm. Maybe you took a shit even though you only mildly felt one coming because you prefer shitting in this particular toilet for a little more effort than shitting in an unfamiliar environment later on. We could have a discussion on this. Reflections on the trivial parts of life, though, seem to be not trivial (assuming some depth in thought or at the very least, explanation of their significance).

What I gain from it is information about your thoughts (I guess, present state), your past (the life that is being reflected upon) and an inkling towards your future trajectory (since reflections usually suggest some sort of imperative or corrective action). Most importantly, how all these three tie together and the reasons that motivate them. It is a very concise form of knowing people, which is why I bemoan the lack of blogs nowadays.

Also charts growth I guess. It is fascinating to see how people's thought changes over the years.

This is actually an indirect plea for yall (the people I care about, well, if i dont care about you that much is fine too) to tell me reflections about your life (or any part thereof). I might ask, but asking faces lots of issues such as you might not reflect on demand, you might not have the time to share .etc.And uh, sometimes people might get annoyed if I ask too much, or at least, I perceive them to be annoyed. So if you would volunteer some stuff. That'd be great. Also, it is hard to explicitly ask for reflected life in conversation (That is why like, blogs are the preferred medium) due to, yknow, norms.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:55 PM|

Monday, October 23, 2017

[[]]

To love another is not to love that which the other can do (perhaps, for you).
To love another is not to love the qualities that the other possesses.
To love another is not to prefer not loving less.

What is this "another" that is loved?

Who wants to be loved for their effort? Unless they see the effort as an integral part of themselves... Is effort not directed by whims that can change, that will change like the tides and the seasons? According to the tides and the seasons? What then? When effort is gone does love flicker and die with it?
Who wants to be loved for their beauty or wit or humour or smile or kindness? Is it not conceivable that these too will fade? What then? Unless these things are integral to themselves? That if I am no longer kind, I am no longer me? Or something like that?
Worst of all, who wants to be loved just because someone wanted to not be lonely?

[[I wrote this at]]*|1:52 AM|

Saturday, October 21, 2017

[[Gaffe and indulgences]]

Today I had an epic gaffe in my philosophy presentation.

I basically defined the main thesis i was presenting on wrongly. Rofl. Cos I copy-pasted it, AND SAW WRONGLY. Basically, I wrote a definition for the thing, then, I thought I should check the article for a definition. And LO. I saw a definition, and I happily copied it over into my presentation.

SADLY, I SAW WRONG. SO. I copied the definition of something that is not the actual thesis, but a weaker thesis that the writer doesn't endorse. Facepalm max man. Dude, when it was found out, in the Q&A, was so embarrassed man. Then after that I started whining about oh die already, gonna fail .etc .etc. Then I started a pity party, then I really wanted to play some sports so I went to join a random frisbee game. Then I played and went home late.

But what the heck, why am I so self absorbed? Presentation went pretty well apart from that. Even if it really went badly, so what? Yes I could have been better prepared, yes I could have spent more effort proof-reading... But all these are done eh. Where is my gratefulness? Where is any other thing other than yknow, self-absorbance and uh, self-indulgences.

Y'know, the catholic church used to sell indulgences. Makes me wonder who would buy them with such a name. The word indulgence, wao. Such a loaded term. Signifies something that is oh so desired yet, something that is oh so wrong and not just wrong, it is also known to be wrong. How can one indulge? How can one not indulge? How can one want to indulge and yet not indulge? How can one not want to indulge yet indulge? Man.

I have always indulged myself. Sometimes I know that I am indulging. Sometimes I know that I have indulged. Sometimes I know I am going to indulge. The call to change, to not indulge though. Man.

I feel there is some dissonance within. I feel I don't desire God, but I desire to please God (maybe). I desire sin, yet I desire to not sin. So my action, perhaps, is an attempt to please God and not sin. And occasionally it works and occasionally it doesn't, action-wise. yet if the heart is not sanctified, it is gonna be a long and tiring journey.

[[I wrote this at]]*|1:38 AM|

Thursday, October 19, 2017

[[]]

How do I respond when seeing something like "ecological armageddon" happening because flying insects have decreased by 75% in Germany (see guardian article)?

Do I say oh no, creation is groaning in pain and then work towards trying to get people to be more environmentally conscious (or creation care)?

Or do I say, ah, end times are coming, yay, i will finally be dead?

Or do I say, ah, Jesus is coming again, I need to tell everyone I care about the gospel, and care about more people?

Or do I say, meh, life goes on?

Also, how does the Christian explain polytheistic faiths, if the evidence is so clear that there is God?

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:32 PM|

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

[[]]

Need to do work...
Life has been pretty good.
Life has also been pretty sad.
Y'all should talk to me.

Think im being insufferable and intolerable, to myself.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:26 AM|

Sunday, October 8, 2017

[[]]

Its so easy to be angry, to be offended. But for what?

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:05 PM|

Thursday, October 5, 2017

[[]]

I think, many people (including me) see Christianity as a list of prohibitions. This prohibitions are exclusionary. In this sense, it is telling you what not to do, what to avoid, how to not sin. Yet perhaps there is a question whether something is wrong because it displeases God yes, but is it possible that it displeases God because it is not the most ideal. I think maybe the causal link of why it displeases God is probably a holy mystery. Nonetheless! I think that an action displeases God and is not ideal is definitely correlated.

So perhaps, rather than a call to passivity, in which one "doesn't do" or "abstains" continually, what is better is to do what ought to be done. So for instance, if God (according to the complementarian reading), prohibits women from teaching, it is not that women should not teach, but that women are meant to do something else be it teach other women, children or in hospitality or whatever that is more suited to them. Another example is pre-marital sex. God says no pre-marital sex, instead, the intimacy in sex should be within marriage, and/or no intimacy cos singlehood is good. Another example is amassing wealth for yourself, it is not "don't amass wealth" and rot on the streets and/or play computer games. It is to share what you have, to provide for your family, to bless others with what you have.

In this sense, God's laws are not a restriction on freedom, but freedom to do what is best, freed from poor/wrong decisions. Oh that I would internalise it.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:05 AM|

Monday, October 2, 2017

[[]]

Ah guess what? I need to grasp the value of human beings. And stop treating human beings as experiments or, yknow, something other than the really valuable soul that they are. And I think this has to apply to all, not just Christians. Roflmao. Im a joke. Theres some logic there that i need to disentangle, but that being said, I think this is leading to some serious issues. That, and the perennial lust. And pride.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:43 AM|