[[How has been]]

Sunday, March 28, 2021

[[Stocktake]]

Two kinda things, for chronicling purposes.

1. I played frisbee in the rain yesterday. And really enjoyed myself. It was like really heavy rain. But without lightning.

What happened was that, when it started raining, people all went to hide with umbrellas and protect bags and such under a tree. Some quickly went home.

But several people, mostly those with overseas backgrounds continued throwing in the rain. Then I decided, why can't I play in the rain (and after ascertaining no lightning). So I took of my shoes (I hate wearing cleats plus don't have any cleats nowadays so... was wearing sports shoes) and socks and waterproofed them (with the plastic bag for my clothes) and went to play in the rain.

And it was very very fun. I couldn't play well at all though, because the ground was muddy and sloshing and I was barefoot and I can't see THAT well because the water accumulates on glasses. But dang. that was really fun. We played game (well, ofc when i decided to play then I ask the rest to play also and we had enough for a game) and despite falling and such. It felt really liberating. And like just enjoying the moment yknow. And yknow we can bathe and such afterwards. Not to be irresponsible, but dooood. It is a viable choice!

And so that was great fun. And I was very pleased.

2. I started watching this travel vlog channel. And I felt very... itchy for adventure again. Oh man. I think I have been spending the last year or so, trying to optimise my routine. Which I think went decently well. And it is important, indeed, to optimise routine. Because it frees your active decision making for more important things in life.

But I think the optimised routine has breaks in them. Breaks to do something different. Like adventure.

Looking forward to camping over good friday! Wuhu! Hopefully it doesn't rain. If it rains, I suppose that be another adventure!

[[I wrote this at]]*|7:07 PM|

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

[[]]

I played a handphone game to get more mushrooms for shakes and fidget.

And that absorbed much of my time. I eked out time, somehow, to play it.

But joy! there is an endpoint. When I hit level 22. And I deleted the game.

Now I have time. It is so sick to have time honestly. Without filling it with stupid shit.

It seems like you have to fill time with stupidshit. And delete that stupid shit. To have time.

Because, it is hard to draw out time to do nothing. It is easy to draw out time to do stupid shit.

Its like injecting high powered water to do fracking. Except that what you want is the empty spaces. Which you get by pumping the water out.

But that is before the wall closes all around. And other stupidshit eats up the free time.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:23 PM|

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

[[]]

As the watchman waits for the morning, so, I too, wait for the morning, when the mosquito will leave my room, and I can bemoan my interrupted rest in peace.

[[I wrote this at]]*|5:55 AM|

Saturday, March 13, 2021

[[ Relationships as indicator of value]]

There is this... not very correct thinking that I am very susceptible towards.

That is viewing relationships as (an important) indicator of value. Let me try to explain it in simplified terms.

This means that if B is fond of A, the value of A increases (or is validated) to a function of B's value to A (internal, not just like "using people").

This means, if a person I think is a good person, is fond of me, I feel very pleased. And it seems to me that this "pleasantness" stems from some sort of validation of self worth.

I think the roots of this thinking hold quite a few kernels of truth. That community / relationships are important. That people tend to be fond of people they value. This also has some good practical influence in terms of apportionment of time towards people.

However, I think I must be very careful not to grasp. I think people generally grasp at things that validate or give them self worth. At best this is a good-ish kpi on whether I am being (or at least, appearing to be) the type of person I want to be. But it really doesn't make me more worthy or more... good. And it is an idol a potential idol.

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:44 PM|

Tuesday, March 9, 2021

[[]]

Yesterday, my neck hurt like crazy. So I stopped working at 2pm. Think it is part of growing old. And maybe also over exerting. Mondays are always the most dangerous because of the weekend before that. Weekdays are generally pretty safe cos, no time to do anything particularly interesting amirite.

[[I wrote this at]]*|7:37 AM|