What ought?

The old man is supposed to have died with Christ and the new man lives with Christ living within. Now by old man I mean the sinful self and the new man the regenerate self.

Sometimes I feel like I am old man. Sometimes I am new man. Many times I act like I am new man. Sometimes I act like old man. Not many people see me acting like old man though. Sigh. Thanks to those who have seen and tolerated and accepted me acting as old man. But they shouldn't tolerate the old in the old man. But perhaps I seek out those who are fine with it.

I want to be new man through and through. Now I typed it. And I said it, convincingly. But do I really want it? When the temptations and such comes and the lies are whispered, seems like I very much want to be old man and break free of new man and run into degeneracy. But no!!! Grace abounds and saves me.

Sorry man, especially for those who see the worst of it, and to the person that I seem bipolar to. It is a deep fight. Very deep very dark. But light is here. And I want light.

Feels like drugs man. Not that I know what drugs feel like. It is what I imagine drugs feel like. Like becoming mr hyde. And then sleep and then oh hi, it isa me again.

I have a duty to myself to work through this I guess.