[[How has been]]

Sunday, November 17, 2024

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Yknow, wanting to be is so tough. Is so hard to be instead of to do.

I've spent so much time trying to ensure what i do is the right thing, and not the wrong thing or at least a less wrong thing. But how do I do being?

I can change my aim of relentless pursuit. But how to not pursue? Then do what? Then look into my fears of life being useless / meaningless? Of course not! The answer is to trust in God.

And to trust in God, in some sense, is to not do. To not be task oriented and result oriented. Kind of a pity when I can even optimise earning virtual currency of any form. To trust that it is NOT the results OR the task that matters. And that everything is free grace. Not just salvation. But truly everything. And to work diligently from that, rather than from chasing goals.

I'm not very good in trusting another. But God is trustworthy, or so I've read. Have I tasted and seen and felt? Probably, but maybe I forget. Or I don't give it the importance it should.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:28 PM|

Monday, November 4, 2024

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Ok to summarise the verbal vomit previously wrt work.

1. Present to bosses well, use your time well to think well

2. This will help bosses save their time and also to think well

3. Bosses do not have time to wade through shit to see if underlying it is a gem or just fully shit

4. Don't think that your idea can stand by itself without the proper presentation. It can't. Unless it is super short and sweet and maybe self explanatory.

To continue on the post about Bible economy...

[[I wrote this at]]*|9:45 PM|

Sunday, October 27, 2024

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I've been thinking what is the economic ideology of the Bible. And of course I'm sure some very intelligent people have thought about it, I hope that what I say is close to the truth and/or helpful.

Once again, I'm a bit lazy to do up the relevant verse references. I did check chatgpt to see that it wouldn't come up with it easily though. For like 2 prompts lmao im lazy. Maybe the problem is really laziness eh?

Premises - Kinda mandatory. I'm assuming Israelites I suppose

1. Private ownership of property is allowed - i.e no communalist utopia. You can accumulate wealth in the free market.

2. Private ownership of things is gained through hard work - i.e returns on labour

3. Returns on capital is not allowed for your brother (in the laws against charging of interest or similar)

4. Land can be sold but should be reset to beneficial owners after some time

5. People can be sold to pay a debt but should be granted freedom after some time

From these 3 things above, it seems to me that the idea is that you earn a wage through work and then you can keep the returns on labour. However, perhaps where this sounds downright insane in a largely capitalistic society, you shouldn't put your capital to create passive returns on investment.

This seems to me to be suggesting that people can only earn return on labour, right? After all, interest and rental and other returns would fall under capital returns. For land it seems that what you can sell is the productive output of the land. since it reverts. and similarly for people ,the labor, since it reverts.

Well then, what's say, highly skilled doctor going to do with all the money that he has made after working hard? He builds a large barn and stores all the money inside and says he can eat drink and relax because he has plenty?

How about deployment of capital for improvements in productivity or similar? And risk taking entrepreneurship? To be sure in biblical times its not as if you can invest in heavy machinery or fertilisers or RnD for GMO foods to increase crop yield.

Well ok tbc. A bit late. And I'm tired after playing quite alot of badminton and pickleball.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:37 PM|

Wednesday, October 23, 2024

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I just had an epiphany! Is my writing and presentation a relic of trying to think in a way that has been shaped by studying philosophy? Where I value getting to somewhere but not so much whether people can follow me there.

BECAUSE, it is for the people to put in the work to follow. Like how we pore over convoluted sentences written by KANT or NIETZSCHE or SOME BIG HEAD BOY trying to deduce what the person meant and follow his / her train of thought.

BUT, it doesn't work in the work because the BOSSES are not there to try and PUT IN THE WORK to follow your train of thought however paradisey you might think it is because IT IS YOUR JOB to show the bosses what you have deduced AND to convince them that it is PARADISEY.

THE FORCE of the argument is not INNATE to the argument. NOBODY says good argument because WE ARE NOT HAVING A PHILOSOPHICAL argument or a DEBATE or a DISCUSSION. WE ARE HERE to write POLICY PAPERS to be CLEAR so we can TELL OUR NEXT BOSS what we WANT TO DO and the next boss says YES PLS PROCEED because he can justify the decision to THE NEXT BOSS or the STAKEHOLDERS.

That is actually insane. Maybe I am PLAYING THE WRONG GAME again. It is about THE ENDS and not THE MEANS. THE MEANS as a ROUTE, as a DEDUCTION or ANALYSIS or a RATIONAL INQUIRY is SECONDARY to the ENDS. THE MEANS IS A MEANS, NOT AN END.

NOBODY CARES about the MEANS INSOFAR as it does not CONTRIBUTE TO THE END. THERE IS NO need to write down the fancy thought process.

THERE IS NEED to present a POLISHED FINAL PIECE because the BOSSES have NO TIME and they need to MAKE MANY DECISIONS in the SHORTEST AMOUNT OF TIME POSSIBLE, because their BIG BRAINS are limited by the same 24 hours as the rest of us.

Gerard is actually right that I think that my ideas are SO GOOD and OBVIOUS that they can STAND BY THEMSELVES without need to POLISH them because they can SEE the INNATE STRENGTH of the GEM shitted out by my BIG BRAIN. But in actual fact nobody wants to DIG to see if it is a DIAMOND or a massive pile of TURD because DIGGING is not THEIR JOB and not fun for them.

HENCE a large amount of EFFORT is devoted to POLISHING SHIT or DIAMONDS, but sometimes SHIT or RICE or GLASS. But as long as it is POLISHED, the bosses can make a SNAP DECISION and usually the RIGHT DECISION about whether to CAN THAT SHIT or RICE and ACCEPT the GLASS or DIAMOND.

IT IS NOT ABOUT FINDING MORE DIAMONDS although if you are able to POLISH MORE DIAMONDS it is MORE BETTER and they will APPRECIATE YOU FOR IT. YOU can POLISH 10 RANDOM OBJECTS and it WORKS because the BOSS KPI is making MASSIVE AMOUNTS of GOOD DECISIONS on whether to CAN YOUR SHIT or keep your DIAMONDS or similar. Or if they are unable to make good decisions yet, to make NON-STUPID VALUE ADDING REMARKS so that they can JUSTIFY THEIR PAY (or appointment or whatever). BUT WOE TO YOU IF YOU PRESENT UNPOLISHED UNKNOWN THINGS because you just made YOUR JOB into THEIR JOB and that is a BIG NO GO you UNCULTURED SWINE. PLS REWORK TO BE MORE CLEAR.

In a super META way, I have just SHAT out this thing which I think is a wonderful epiphany. Now I will SUPER META and SUBVERT the EXPETATION by writing it in a way that is ACCEPTABLE TO PRESENT TO BOSSES.

But while I have intent to do the above, it is not fun for me and NOT MY JOB because I'M THE BOSS HERE. Maybe I will do it later when I have FREE TIME AND HEAD SPACE.

everyone wants to read the good piece of clear and concise work but I don't wanna write it because it is tedious and frankly unfun.

SO WOULD IT BE BETTER if the boss WADES THROUGH THE UNPOLISHED SHIT and try to FIND if there is a DIAMOND there or not?

I THINK it is actually down to REPUTATION which equates to a HIT RATE because UNPOLISHED SHIT looks the same to the UNTRAINED BOSS'S EYE.

I actually think BOSSES can be trained to SPOT EVIDENCE OF NON-SHIT and interact with THAT in UNPOLISHED STATE. This will allow early THROWING OUT OF SHIT or SHARPENING OF THE MAN (OR MAYBE WOMAN? GUIDANCE NEEDED) IN THE MARBLE because polishing is TEDIOUS. OR MAYBE this is a STUPID GRIPE by me who is a level 2 POLISHER when other people are level 10 POLISHERS and it is their BREAD AND BUTTER and hence EZ PZ for them.

I SUPPOSE it is EITHER THAT or train all the STAFF to become BETTER POLISHERS??? WHICH IS EASIER? Of course, BOTH should be done. Of course STAFF like ME might not know what they are digging at whether it is SHIT or a DIAMOND. But it seems to me that POLISHING is really VERY BORING. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID THAT. I MUST REALLY FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT THAT. LOOK at my train of thought verbal vomit.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:24 PM|

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I come to think that the physical world isn't all that there is.

Well, assuming a spiritual world, there would have to be a world of intents and motives. Perhaps every action can be attributable to be a result of some intent or some motive. Non-intent physical causes are then just net neutral and/or just a result of God's intent or motive.

And there could be a world of true forms. Like you for example, you, a very profoundly great and beautiful angelic being is currently poisoning your mind by doomscrolling instagram reels and each reel made by the creator has different intents fired through the universe impacting into your angelic being and those creators are also beautiful angelic beings but perhaps with various motives and corrupted in various ways, each of us corrupting each other?

And maybe satanic intent somewhere. But God's intent overrides makes all things right in the end.

And this physical world is just, yknow, an exterior. A real exterior not a fake one, but an exterior nonetheless because at the level of impact the intents and motives control the physical, and not the other way around as physicalists would like you think.

In the greater scheme of things having a billion dollars isn't anything to marvel at, but the poison you put into the world or the poison put in you and emanating out and/or the opposite of poison, maybe fragrance or something. To not see just the physical, but the invisible.

I suppose the presupposition is that beings have wills that are real, even if deterministic due to some higher power (sorry not supposed to be a pre-destination argument here).

It is I suppose, somewhat linked to me pining for something or someone. Physically it doesn't do jack shit. But I think it has some ontological essence that has to reflect somewhere. Insofar as we have souls, and our souls have value and that we control our intents and wills that imprints beyond ourselves, beyonds the physical.

Yknow, two teddy bears, physically entirely the same. What very loved, and one not loved at all. Is there any difference? I think there is in some sense some difference. Though idk, maybe a teddy bear is not a fitting receptacle of love, maybe has a limited capacity to be loved since it does not have a will to react to it.

How about then, two peoples physically similar but one is loved and one is not, even if both feel / think the same way. Is there any difference to being loved? My sensing is that ontologically there is.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:03 PM|

Tuesday, October 22, 2024

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Two things that I seek:

1. To not be distracted. To sleep if tired rather than to distract. To not waste away my time because I have not enough energy and hence have not enough time and even less energy. I wanna "rawdog" it. I know it used to be a sexual term, but I can't think of any better way to describe it accurately. I want to be bored and/or in the moment.

2. To not seek to be justified here and now. I always desire closure. Desire explanation. Desire to be justified and/or exonerated and/or vindicated. But I don't need it in the here and now. It is futile to seek human vindication when people have imperfect motives and understandings and capacities. I think seeking to be justified less will make me a better person. That's not to say that I don't explain, but if I explain and they don't listen, it really isn't my job to make them listen however much it might hurt me.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:23 PM|

Saturday, October 19, 2024

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So you know theres this concept of don't budget your time, budget your energy or something similar to that.

Basically the idea is that time is not the limiting factor, but energy, at least in my current life stage. Maybe in early 20s the energy is limitless and time is the limiting factor but now, more often than not, energy is limiting.

And I don't mean energy in the sense of like I'm so tired I need to sleep, but like energy to do things which require concentrated intent and/or will. So its more accurately energy / motivation or something like that.

I think it is therefore the default when you have time but no more energy left that you will do things that are time high and energy low. Shit like doomscrolling social media or playing some casual game.

But what are good time high energy low things to do? To replace? Or is it always meant to be energy high and when you have time high energy low you recharge to go back and do energy high i.e polarize your range.

[[I wrote this at]]*|1:40 AM|