[[How has been]]

Wednesday, October 22, 2025

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Yknow I've been engaging SA on Israel and the war in gaza as well as associated other topics.

Honestly, it is so tiring to try and pry back the many layers of propaganda and lies. It is truly two completely separate echo chambers that are talking past each other, each convinced of their own righteousness. When both sides think the other is all propaganda and lies, there is no genuine engagement and just a lot of contempt and disdain.

I dunno how this bodes for society not necessarily my society, who seems to have chosen the more subtle way of avoid talking too much about it. If it can be worked through I think society will be the stronger for it but the lower levels of education in our superpower plus the sheer volume of carefully packaged half truths are inundating.

The level of outrage bait and such is so high, really determined to get those clicks, those recurring clicks and eyeballs. To sell ads? No! To "spread publicity" for the most important cause, of course. It seems that each echo chamber is really just trying to convince itself that it is right and the other side is wrong, mostly by emotions though with some logic sprinkled in selectively. Words are also used very emotively that very much stretches their definition beyond what it is.

I dunno, it is so tiring to me and I don't even engage with it much, I wonder how do people who engage with it so much feel. Are they not tired, like very tired? I suppose if you think that the other side is totally wrong and evil then you could see yourself as a tireless crusader. Especially since I am very un-empathetic, how do those empathetic people survive lol.

Takeaway 1: I suppose, one could be a tireless crusader for Christ to spread the gospel, and the other peoples just don't care. One could keep, I dunno, posting stories and such... maybe? Why am I not doing that? Maybe its because I don't believe it strongly, or maybe it is because I don't think it is an effective way. But if I don't think it is an effective way, what is an effective way? And why am I not doing it or is it just an excuse?

Takeaway 2: I suppose I really see the effectiveness of modern propaganda, where it really isn't a fight for truth, in my opinion, anymore but a fight for noise and attention. It seems like where the moneyed interests go, the society follows. Why Israel and the Palestinians are in the spotlight, so much, is because their opponents have a lot of money and the battleground is for the peoples that are seeing it so they are just pumping money to churn out loads and loads of content. This is as opposed to other conflicts around the world where more people die and are displaced, but there is very limited moneyed interests. It seems to me, unfortunately, that principles .etc. are very selectively applied, and only applied in the public eye where people want them to be applied to. There is no philosopher king to ensure that people are consistent with everything they say, after all, and a million reasons or excuses can be conjured on why it applies more here and not there. Where social media is the battleground, there is hardly any rules and they are enforced so... poorly.

Takeaway 3: Perhaps, practically, it is really none of my business, or very little of my business. I hadn't engaged on it for the last 2 years, no reason why I should start engaging on it now. While it seems to me that it is better to be informed about the going ons about the world than not, the cost of being properly informed seems to be prohibitively high. The counter argument then would be that not doing anything would just be ceding your power, whatever limited power you have... But to me, even being infromed, I'm already ceding it, lol. To those who want to fight their fights, that they are sure is right, all power to you.

I dunno, in a same sense as does pouring love into something that does not know you love it or care that you love it do anything (maybe nothing on a physical realm maybe other realms more), pouring outrage also does nothing. Maybe makes you more angry and such.

[[I wrote this at]]*|8:14 AM|

Sunday, October 12, 2025

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You reckon I can sit in silence for 30 minutes? Let me try.

In other news, any interesting thoughts have you? My dear reader? Let me know.

[[I wrote this at]]*|10:32 PM|

Saturday, October 4, 2025

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I remembered what I wanted to write about! It is about being bad at cutting losses fast.

I think one of my core memories when I was younger, think around P5 or P6, there was this very difficult math question that nobody could solve. It might have been due to some sort of like mistake in the question setting making it a lot harder than it was originally intended. But I stuck with it for really long, I think a day or so and I eventually solved it. And someone praised me for, yknow, not giving up. I can't even remember who it was, might have been a teacher might have been a parent. But it kinda stuck and I think from that time on I took "not giving up" as a good in and of itself.

I think it has served me quite well. This is especially after I picked up chess in Secondary school which allowed me to think in my head and check for mistakes. Problems just became a function of time and skill to be solved. And if you don't give up, everything would work out, in the end.

Nonetheless, not everything is a solvable problem. While it works well in academics, it is because the problems were already pre-sieved or set to be solvable. The real world, for one, is a lot more fuzzy with more uncertainty and unknown unknowns and there is a need to identify problems that you put your energies to. So that is ok right? Not a big deal, just pick the important problems that I think are high value, that I care about because we all recognize that I don't have unlimited time and energy to pursue every single rabbit hole.

But alas, there are a class of problems that are not solvable regardless of the amount of time that I sink into it. They tend to be human related problems because, there is no clear solution to humans. And perhaps thinking that they are problems to be solved is inaccurate. I think there are also problems with solutions that are ahead of their time where the cost of solving will be much easier and /or just plain unsolvable problems because the question doesn't have a solution.

But yeah, I think with human related problems it is a different ball game. I think in some sense, digging deep and persisting has resulted in very rich and rewarding relationships with various peoples. Nonetheless... It seems like I have spent quite a considerable amount of time, youth and energies on things that are not meant to be. Maybe it is a version of the sunk cost fallacy. Or maybe I had brought in other logics to try and justify what seems to be a less and less sensible decision.

Apart from the most obvious example, there are several others where I don't cut loss and continue to fund losses, over years. While the cost is bearable to me (of course it is bearable, otherwise I wouldn't have paid it), it seems like a very suboptimal way of allocating resources. At the core, it is perhaps an irrational privileging of the existing at the expense of the new. Very anti-agile. Doesn't move fast, doesn't break things.

It is like a hard commit. Which is good. But perhaps the mistake is in thinking that there is something that effort can do after the initial mismatch to resolve it.

Hmm, it makes me scared now though, I think?

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:06 PM|

Thursday, October 2, 2025

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If my mind's eye is turned to God, sometimes it really feels like transcendently joyful. I suppose it is really something like the short glimpse of the beatific vision. It feels so fitting. Like today, I was really tired after concluding a hackathon, and then meeting happy amos for dinner. And then I just came across some praise videos. And I dunno, felt joyful and not tired.

I honestly cannot imagine enjoying this for more than short fleeting veiled bursts. Like my powers of imagination are too weak. But I suppose it will be truly that which is what I was made for.

[[I wrote this at]]*|11:11 PM|