What ought?
Ok quick one before I go and sleep. So, I think it is relatively uncontroversial that: 1. Hikikomoris, to some degree, choose to be Hikikomoris 2. Being Hikikomori imposes costs on one's family (or whoever is supporting their living) 3. Insofar as 1 and 2 are true, to the degree that one chooses to be a Hikikomori, one chooses to impose costs on one's family 4. To the degree that 3 is true, it is selfish and bad behaviour 5. To the degree that it is selfish and bad behaviour, one should face negative consequences (or natural consequences if one prefers a slightly weaker conclusion) Ok thats one train of thought. Hidden in are some, presumably, uncontroversial assumptions that one should be held responsible for one's choices .etc. Another train of thought would be: 1. Unchanged 2. Being a Hikikomori is a negative situation 3. We should help people in negative situations that are outside of their control 4. (from 1-3) To the degree that Hikikomoris are not choosing to be Hikikomoris, they should be helped (or if you want a more risky you can argue for the opposite too - to the degrees that they choose, they shouldn't be helped, but I shan't) A slightly different train of thought could be: 1. Unchanged 2. Unchanged 3. We should help other people in negative situations, regardless of whether it is from their choice Okay, if you are so empathetic and charitable, but then you just opened a large universe more to help. Which in theory is fine, but on practical grounds, how might you prioritise the helping of peoples especially given: 4. It costs a lot to help a Hikikomori (at least more than helping, say, a starving person) My personal opinion is that all can be held true at the same time. That Hikikomoris should face consequences for their selfish and bad choices, that they should be helped (more for when it is not a choice) and still be helped (but perhaps less) when it is a choice (due to practical considerations).
Yesterday's conversation about generosity and I'm also reading this called by grace, led by grace that my mother left out on the table. So wrt the pride stuff and the being humble, to be honest its such a struggle. If the question is am I generous enough? The answer is obviously no. What does generous enough mean anyway? Can one give more? answer is always yes. Theres a great pulling in two directions. When I talk to normal people, many people, arguably, I feel like I have my life in order, doing fine, doing well, doing great even. But i'm comparing to low quality leh. And it is arguably prideful, even if accurate, to think this way. Can something be prideful and accurate? Maybe the pride is in looking at it in relation to oneself and not the diagnosis of it as low quality. Like if one just compares to this lady who lived out her whole life doing missions, just a simple life, totally owned right. That is not to say that one cannot live out a life for God not doing full time paid ministry, be it missions or otherwise. But the bar for non-full time paid ministry Christian, the intensity of non-full time paid ministry is lacking leh. Like are those people in church, our fellow brothers and sisters, living for God as he/she ought? to what degree are we doing it? Oh boy, i'm using leh so much, i feel like using "leh" is a bar, a bar of my contempt (and/or pride), like signalling pathetic. I KNOW that i am not doing it to the degree that I can, and way below the degree that I can. Actually, I feel like I have written about this before, many years ago, in a different church, maybe even a different whole setting. It's a very... arguably pathetic situation to be in, where I think I am doing more than many, but I think I'm doing pathetic, and in so thinking, I think others are doing worse than pathetic. And I know there are those doing better, and I would like to learn from them, but I don't learn fast, and I forget, wilfully or otherwise. Well, arguably, if one (i.e me) thinks one can do better, one can definitely do better. Another might not be able to do better, and might not think that he/she can do better. If so, then me thinking that the other person is as pathetic as me or even worse, because we do the same things, is flawed, and I am actually more pathetic than him/her. Or, well, see more = need to do more. The joys of being ignorant? Actually i'm quite convinced the correct read of this is to not compare with other people. But this flies against my comparing and benchmarking tendencies because how else am I supposed to gauge? I gauge against God's standard, fall really short. Gauge subjectively maybe can argue something. So... just fall short I suppose. Lol. Anyway, one step at a time. Let me be more humble and love God more and be more generous and more hospitable and to compare less.
I wanna be more humble. Plis. I also wanna get off instagram and facebook and youtube. But what to do instead? There are no blogs for me to read. I would love to just visit all my friends blogs and have a conversation through reading, but nobody writes. Only Garlica writes but his stuff needs lots of reading. Maybe if I really get off instagram and facebook and youtube I will have the brain to read it. Did you know that I often play a youtube video to listen to in the shower? At 2x speed, as usual. Maximising the time yknow. Frazzled, probably is the word. Actually what the heck am I griping about, theres so many things to do. I can read my bible study, read the bible or read fiction or non-fiction. I could play the piano, or sing by myself. Just that all these feel like work when I get back, and i'm tired from work. I'm pretty sure I should just do it and sleep early. I've conclude it before!! And yet this low energy SHIT is gobbling up my precious time and arguably energy. And its not even THAT low quality, it is like, generally no trash that i'm watching. But decent is the enemy of great. And I wanna be great, but NOT proud. Maybe I should write a blog post every day. But the last time I tried something like that the writing became rather trash and/or performative. It's like what the guy said you can read your bible and grow further from God if you are reading to be proud that you are reading, which I think, many times I am.
I've been thinking recently, always a dangerous thing. Anyway, I've been thinking that God desires and it is fitting to have all the praise and the glory. I like praise and glory too. But then again, similar to the earlier train of thoughts, why do I like praise and glory? What does it do for me? Literally nothing right, its just a good in itself (or a fell good in itself). Another discussion may be had on the rationality of loving praise and glory so much. So, it is sin to try and snatch praise and glory from the rightful owner, that is God. So whats the correct end state? All the humans orientate and give praise and glory to God, instead of to each other, and God gives some level of praise and glory back to some humans. But it is a different "quality" of praise and glory. The human give praise and glory to God is the oh you are so good, the best, the alpha top dawg. The God give praise and glory to human is derivative and of "lower quality", which is like well done good and faithful servant for being obedient and such. I suppose the second one is more fitting but we (I) want the first one, I wanna be the very best and be praised for such, like no one ever was. But why? I look into myself and really can't find a good reason why I want it but I want it.
Isit bad for populations to exploit other whole populations...? I think thats the bigger question. And colonialism is probably only one way to do it Defining exploitation is not very easy. When I spoke to Daniel about it he seems to think that exploitation has to cause someone harm, while, what I was operating under the idea of not giving a person as good a deal because of some power imbalance. I just checked the dictionary and i'm pretty sure i'm correct since exploitating is : to make use of meanly or unfairly for one's own advantage
I truly agree with Tolkien that bad does not exist in itself, but it is a corruption of good. There is no bad in itself, theres no ugliness in itself or unfittingness in itself. These are negations of good. Insofar as there exists anything, if there is a concept of bad, there must be good. But I think there doesn't need to be bad for there to be good. Basically good is necessary for bad, but bad is not necessary for good. The desire to corrupt what is good is so appealing to me. Its kinda crazy. I don't want to do it but I am drawn to it. I really don't like what I desire, feels like feeding the beast within. Why do I desire stupid shit like that? Like there is no good reason, its just like an innate desire for it, like an itch that must be scratched that I don't wanna scratch but it just itches. I also do think Tolkien is right in that evil destroys itself, because it is corruption and corruption is inherently unstable and self-defeating. Good just has to persevere to the end and evil will destroy itself. Does God come to destroy evil? arguably yes, a greater good destroys a greater evil, but arguably evil has destroyed itself in nailing Jesus to the tree. Because good can exist without bad, but bad cannot exist without good, it follows that the world is either all good or with good and bad. Well I suppose I feel it more acutely.
Hmmm. Maybe it is time to feel lonely again! Haven't had that in awhile, I think for a good year plus. Maybe it is time for the summertime sadness. Or maybe not, we shall see. Anyway, it seems to me that companionship is quite fun, as far as I have know, I have always enjoyed the companionship of a person that I hold in high esteem. When I think about companionship, I think about something like listening to each other breathe while doing your own thing separately. Basically just having a person around, and not particularly focused on interacting with the person but just living life with the person around. Obviously, in most cases, companionship is provided by one's spouse. I dunno if children and/or parents are considered as companionship-able, i think in many cases they do not count e.g you can't say that your baby provides companionship even if the baby is around you 24/7. I think there is an idea of an equal? To me also then, obviously, pets can't provide companionship either but well, not gonna argue this if you think it does, good for you then if you get companionship from a pet. But actually when I think about it, what is the purpose or use of this companionship? Presumably there's not much of an actual productivity boost since by definition you are doing your own things separately. Presumably there is some productivity boost through vibes or being in a good mood or happiness or something. But why tho? Why does having someone else in the same vicinity matter? Actually, there is no need to be in the same vicinity right, you can even voice call a person and achieve the same. I suppose it is something about presence. But what exactly is valuable about presence? In my opinion it is probably something about a choice + a minor cost incurred to prove the choice that makes it pleasant. Presumably some interaction here and there helps too. Is companionship important? Running my rational brain through it, I honestly can't really think why companionship is so valued as it has been in literature. Like... I can rationally see that there really is no need for any companionship, 可以吃的吗? But I think there is a felt need. Like not a practical need but a felt need, if that makes sense. Of course once it is a real felt need, then it is also a practical need, in that sense. Hmmmmmmmmm. I wonder are there conditions to good companionship. I also wonder if marriage can be broken down into sex, companionship and a sort of drive towards being better. Are there conditions to (good) sex ? I suppose the no brain answer will be some sort of physical attractiveness and/or sexual compatibility but really? I'm slightly skeptical. I'm sure you can have sex with anyone. Ok i'm not very qualified to speak on the sex part. I can't think of conditions for companionship actually. Just seems like a choice. In which case, pets should work. Where did i get the must be equal? Is it something about being understood and/or known well and chosen? Maybe. Ok wtv. Let's see what other peoples say.
I want to say yes to helping poor, less (though not no) to a lot of things maybe abortion, lgbtq, israel .etc. But do I actually help the poor? Who are the poor? Who is my neighbour? What is a good way of helping the poor? I think throwing money is probably one of the better ways? What else is there? I think giving money to worldwide evangelism, arguably the root of many societal issues, arguably not a societal issue, its like a worldview change kinda thing going on. Public goods like education, healthcare? I dunno my view of healthcare is always quite wack. I think we shouldn't aim to prolong life but we ought to... help people live lives. So end of life prolonging is lame, start of life healthcare probably a good idea assuming that they go on to live lives. Education... is it a good in itself? I mean sounds very no brainer from someone like me. But i'm not 100% sure. I do suppose there are many great joys to be had from education, such as wit and exchange of ideas and many evils that one can protect against such as ignorance. But... I can also imagine a very good uneducated life lived. Uneducated in the formal sense, but wise and knowing how to live life. Why do we help the poor? Is it just for the sake of helping the fellow man? In Singapore we think it is the govt's job to help the poor. And I suppose, govt has taxation rights and monopoly on use of force, could help the poor. But one sees through history that it really isn't the main aim of the govt to help the poor. Charity fills in the gaps, real charity, not the fake shit that modern billionaires do. Hmmmm my thoughts are bad and it is sad. I have 2 hours to use at the end of each day, arguably, and i don't really use them very well because of low energy. I used to like talking to people over text at the end of the day, but lately.
So in line with a post I wrote quite a while back ago about corruption being arguably the worst ill a govt can face. I think debt is a ridiculous tool that govts / corporations can use, and again this goes back to the principal-agent problem. So, debt is borrowing money to spend now (generally) by promising to repay higher amounts (with interest) in the future. Generally the entity doing the borrowing is evaluated for credit worthiness by the people doing the lending. A more credit worthy entity is given lower interest rate because the risk of default (not paying back) is lower - a higher interest rate compensates for taking on a higher risk of default. At least that's the theory. So if a person defaults, he is sued for bankruptcy, debt is discharged (with quite partial repayment) after serving some time out and taking on some consequences. But then comes in all these corporate entities right, companies and arguably event trusts and foundations and whatnot. Ok so instead of evaluating the person you just have to evaluate the entity right? And there is no bankruptcy proceedings, you can just liquidate the corporate entity, sell all the assets, give a partial repayment and then the rest of the debt is just gone, bad debt, buyer (of debt) beware. The person making the decision to take on the debt, however, can come out much better than the corporate entity (which is liquidated and doesn't have feelings anyway), e.g if he personally pays himself a high salary from the borrowed monies. Well, arguably really buyer beware, greedy want to lend money and earn high interest then take the hit when the corporation uses its private limited liability status to block you from recovering the debt. Then it comes to governments. Currently governments take on debt to do all sorts of spending, some productive, some consumptive. The government, like the corporation, is actually just a legal concept, everyone agrees this is the government then it is the government. Generally governments have rights to tax and ownership of land (that they haven't sold) vested by... who knows what, the will of the people or the threat of force and so on so forth. They can also create money by printing, but that will cause inflation. So what happens when a government defaults? In the old days you could sail your ships up their river and point your guns at their government / commercial buildings and make them cede you territory. But nowadays thats kinda frowned upon. So generally the story, nowadays, goes that if a government defaults they will take a hit to their credit worthiness and then they won't be able to borrow money at low interest rates again anymore. Theres no way to liquidate a government without war. And what is the claim that a government has on its people and/or land? In theory, an unlimited legal claim because the government makes the laws, in practice, who knows the limit? The population can disown the govt (at least parts of) and secede, resist seizure of assets / taxation, leave, vote in / rebel and install a new government that doesn't seize all they have. A government taking debt has been said to be "stealing" from future generations, by enjoying now and letting the burden of repaying the debt / dealing with the repercussions fall on successive governments and the peoples that they govern. Well of course this only holds true if the debt is spent consumptively rather than productively. If it is productive, the future governments and peoples will have a higher return on investment of the debt than the interest and that will be good for them. But perhaps the model can be expanded even more. The ability to pay the debt is based on the past (i.e previous credit worthiness) to access money in the present, to be paid back in the future. What happens when those in charge of a legal entity doesn't care about its future, or is not correctly incentivised to care about its future? Very destructive things can happen. Its like a person that is suicidal or just living in the short term. Could just spend all his/her money, max out the credit cards and eat, drink, party because tomorrow we die. Most peoples will not do that because it is bad for them and they bear the consequences, but those in charge might be long gone, either retired so that it is someone else's problem, or dead (because they are very old). Who then has the duty to fight back and prevent such things from happening? The young who will inherit the future? The unborn who will do the same? But they are powerless currently. History will judge, but dead people could care less about that. Credit agencies worth anything will downgrade. Future generations will default or die. Hmm... I don't have a good solution to this. Even what I have previously said about old people should not be allowed to vote / take office is clearly flawed. A middle aged man can still not care. An old person with kids can care .etc. Actually I think as a society this hurdle is impossible to be solved by systematic means. This misalignment of incentives is always there and we need the right people, who are not seeking self interest to be in charge, and enough people in a democracy, to not put people who are seeking self interest to be in charge. These farsighted, morally principled people have existed before and will continue to exist. And a society that has rotted from within to only chase self interest, especially as a generation, will just fade away. Of course their kids will pay the consequences. And perhaps it is fitting that it is so, it is a pipe dream to think that it is unfair for kids to pay the consequences of their parent's sins. Anyway these are not eternal consequences, merely just a lot tougher a life leading to stronger peoples!
I walked back in the rain today (well last night, i wrote this part last night). It wasn't a very long walk, maybe half an hour and maybe only 10+ minutes in the rain. The rain was moderate to heavy. The rain stung my eyes and it is quite hard to see with rain on my glasses. But, I felt like a boss when I walked around in soaked clothes without caring about being soaked, smiling at people as I pass them by, people who desperately try to stay dry - hiding in the sidewalks, behind umbrellas, still getting somewhat wet because the rain is heavy. All these ants scattering!! Every one seems to be slightly stumped and perhaps, have some begrudging respect for a person that walks in the rain, happily. For the person shows that he is above small inconveniences. Even more, he is able to enjoy that which would be an inconvenience to people. I think most people will want to walk in the rain, but they don't. Because...? They are not walking home? They are not healthy? They are constrained by social conventions? Perhaps why we build more sheltered walkway is because we rush around to do stuff. When we rush around to do stuff, we can't walk in the rain, because we can't be wet at place of doing stuff. Anyway, I was looking forward to walk in the rain for quite awhile, ever since bighead got to play in the rain. It was fun. Very worth my phone and wallet being wet. Anyway they will dry.
[[To be]]
[[The Story Thus]]
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[[The Talk (also silent)]]
[[The Ancients]]